Yesterday my friend Margo came over.
"There's something different about you" She said.
I just smiled and thought, "I ain't even got lip gloss ooonnn!"
"No, your eyes look different, they're brighter, and your BOD looks good!!"
I spun around in a little circle, tilted my head downward, looked up, pointed my foot inward and drug it across the ground in front of me.
"awww, thanks!"
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My body is truly changing, and FAST. You know the feeling when you just wake up and you're not bloated in any way, so you can wear whatever you want and it looks good? That's how I feel all day!
Before my mornings looked a little like this:
Hear my alarm, laugh at it and set it for 20 minutes later.
Drag myself out of bed, throw my hair up in a bun so it doesn't look like it's so messy.
Try to decide what to wear.
(Remember: i only have like 20 minutes until I have to leave to get to work, at the most.)
While deciding what to wear: "Ok, what is going to be comfortable after I eat and change sizes. I shouldn't wear tight jeans AND a smaller shirt, because as soon as I eat, I'll balloon at least a half size. I can't go around with a muffin top later! Oh, if I wear this skirt, I have to wear something tight underneath to keep it all in check. etc.."
So, I'd choose tight pants and a loose, non-flattering shirt, or a large dress with a large sweater.
This was my every day. Choosing an outfit based on how much I would bloat and feel fat later.
Now it's totally different!
I wake up early naturally!
Since I am not eating anything my body HATES and is trying to FIGHT, I can wear whatever I want in my closet. I can wear what I want when I want, and my body doesn't bloat and change sizes. I can even wear my skinny jeans. Not skinny like the leg cut, skinny like when I'm having a non-bloated day and they fit me. We as girls all have some of those. They don't get as much play as we'd like, but hey, we couldn't possibly get rid of them!
I guess what I'm saying, is the good is finally beginning to outweigh the "bad"
Now, I've been trying to "lose weight" and "be healthy" for my whole life so far, and have failed horribly. The only time I lost significant weight was when I quit smoking weed, drinking, and eating only pizza. I lost 35 lbs on the lifestyle change diet.
Ok, ready?
I'm gonna just be really real for a minute because if you don't know me you won't know the significance of my health change if you don't know a little background. I am 27 years old and I have been over 200 lbs since middle school. I was always the fat kid. I was always the cool, funny, bigger girl. I was never quite comfortable at a pool, or the beach, or at any parties because of my body. I was never quite comfortable doing anything "extreme" because my body couldn't climb very far, or my weight wouldn't allow me to do things I wanted because I was too big. I've never shopped in a juniors section. Ever. Everyday for my whole life practically I have thought to myself "I wish I was healthy." I've been dreaming of a healthy body for 15 years. I've tried to think my way into health, I've tried to trick my body into health, I've worked out with a personal trainer, I've done tons of few week cleanses and fasts. The lowest I've ever been is 202. That was right after I came back from an extended mission trip in Cambodia where I couldn't keep food down for the last week.
Just to be clear, a number on a scale is not my goal here. The weight loss that comes with gaining health is a great plus, but not the end all be all. There are plenty of skinny people with heart disease. There are plenty of people with low weights and no muscle. That is not my goal. I don't even own a scale. This is not being written to be a sob fest for me. I simply want you to know, if you are struggling and you're reading this blog:
If I can do it, You can do it. Seriously.
Today is a day of hope for me, because my small decisions are adding up to one big decision. The decision to treat my body as a temple. I am seeing results not because of any magic cleanse or diet. I am seeing a change because I am allowing God to show me the reasons I can't change and fix them. I am seeing a difference because I am respecting my body and treating it with the golden rule. I am seeing change because I am making consistent choices. I am plugging away day by day. It's hard, and it seems like it's not working, but I have to have faith that it IS working. It IS WORKING.
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