Day #Forever

I think technically I'm on day 41.

RED FLAG! I've been finding myself not really eating.

Since I have been a bit busier, and I don't really crave much of anything anymore, I've noticed I'll go almost all day and not eat more than one big meal.

This is simply NOT OK.  I don't want to develop an eating disorder, so I've asked my roommates to keep me accountable. I have never had this problem before. It really shows the difference in my body. I don't really crave much of anything anymore since my body is not addicted to sugar!

This is a good and a scary place to be. I have to be more intentional about feeding myself enough.

A diet isn't just about what you DON'T eat, it's about what you DO eat.

My body needs balance. That doesn't just mean not eating things. That means eating more of things that my body likes! I thought just following the yeast free diet would force me to eat well, and that would be all I needed. Turns out it's really only the beginning of it. The first half was getting rid of bad, the other half is replacing it with good.

Overall I feel great, and I keep finding out that I am capable of doing things I thought I couldn't. For example, the other day after class was over, me and my friend discovered we were going the same way on our bikes. Hhe asked if I wanted to ride together.

GULP!
What I wanted to say was:
nocuzidontthinkicanrideasfastasyouandillprobablybeallsweatyandgrossandyou'llthinkimoutofshape

What I actually said was, "Yes! That'd be great!"

On the inside I was scared I wasn't capable, but I really wanted to have company because I love doing stuff with friends, especially a bike ride! How cute! I took a risk and we left toward my work. Turns out my body was totally fine, I conquered all the hills with no sweat (well, yes a little sweat) and even if he was going slower because of me, I didn't know. When we got to my work (well, the Starbucks next to it) I was SO proud of myself, and I am now not so scared to share a bike ride with a friend. In fact, I was so proud of myself and how my body reacted to exercise with someone else that I decided to do it as much as possible. I bought a bike helmet and light and now I will ride that sucker as much as possible (as long as it's not monsoon-ing)

My body probably could have done that last month, but I didn't THINK it could. Losing a few lbs, and fueling my body with stuff it can use has boosted my confidence in my ability and has shown me that I'm capable of more than I thought.

You can find me riding my bike most days now, and I love it! (minus the helmet hair, YUCK)

WELP, I better go eat. Time to chug some unsweetened apple sauce for lunch. Yes, I drink it out of the jar.

Day #36 - The sweetness only lasts for a moment.

Truth is important. Without solid truth everything is relative and everything can be argued or discussed into not meaning anything at all.  Without truth, there is chaos. Without vision, we will wander off the straight path onto the "emotional, whatever I feel like, whatever someone tells me" path. That path quickly leads to nowhere. This is SO true for food.  There's no denying that eating bad food makes us feel bad. That's just the truth. When we eat poison, we get poisoned. The food we eat doesn't just disappear into thin air because we can't see it anymore, because it's within the dark and eerie insides of our body. For every action, there is a reaction.

As I reflect on this last month, I can't help but notice the action and reaction balance within my body. If I pay close attention I can see the actions and reactions clearly. It makes me wonder how I could have NOT noticed for about 20 years. I can't deny the effects of food anymore. No longer can I chug a Mt. Dew and pretend like it didn't happen. No longer can I look at a cinnamon roll and want it.

JK I'LL ALWAYS WANT A CINNAMON ROLL

Taste, though, only lasts for a moment. Taste is what I crave. The sweetness on my tongue for the moment is what I want. Chewing a huge bite of something warm and comforting is what I want. Sinking my teeth into something as big as my face is fun!

The sad truth is taste only lasts for a moment, but the effects of the food last for hours to days to weeks. If I'm not careful and let things pile up, the effects can last for years.

Why am I so quick to give in to something that feels good in the moment, but hurts me for longer? Maybe it's because I don't know the full truth of how I am made to feel, and can't see past the bite? Maybe it's my sweet ignorance that leads me to believing that there's no consequence to things I do or eat. The truth is food is made to bring life, not death. The truth is, there are consequences to my actions. I can keep our heads in the clouds if I want, but if I come down to earth I might see something I missed up there. I might see that I am  made to live with abundant life, energy, and a body that works properly!

I'm SO not there yet, but I'm beginning to see the truth. The way I'm made is better then the way I am treating myself! This might seem unattainable, but trust me, it's not!

Here's a little formula:

Eating food is an action = The way my body handles it is the reaction.
If I am eating for health and not out of craving, even when  it's hard I can come back to the truth. For me these are examples of truth for my body.

Apple = energy, boost
Water = clarity of mind, ease of digesting
Avocado = filling up without bloating
Donut = stomach ache, tiredness
Bread = instant gratification, bloatedness
Coffee = energy, comfort, caffeine addiction
Green Vegetables = long lasting energy, flat un-bloated stomach, some gas :(
Vitamin C = waking up early with a clear mind
Milk = stomach pain, gas
Cheese =extreme stomach pain, extreme gas

Those are off the top of my head, but the list could go on.

I've been getting messages from people that are blowing my mind. First of all, it's blowing my mind that people are reading this at all. Second of all, I am so honored that I would inspire ANYBODY! I love to answer questions if you have them, I'm pretty much an open book. You can email me or facebook message me and I'll do my best to answer or tell you more! Thanks so much for the support and encouraging words. I am so much more motivated when people are watching. (Call it the performer in me.)

Here's to treating ourselves as we deserve!

CHEERZ

Day #34 - I'm still trying sometimes, I win.

I was sitting in the living room with my roommates who were doing an 11 day cleanse. They were weighing in and creating characters on the Wii Fit.  I used to think that Wii Fit was so dorky, like, just go outside or something. I kinda sat there thinking how un-useful that whole system was until they pulled up their charts and started doing a body analysis.

This machine was creating a calendar for their goals, weighing them in and checking their body balance. It also tracked their BMI and kept their goals locked in to a graph. It suddenly perked my interest. I was on day 24 or 25 then and I was so sure that I lost weight I wanted to see! They created me a character with a black dress on and a high bun. It looks JUST like me, or Adele. Either way I liked it.

I stepped on the scale and was honestly afraid. I don't like to see how much I weigh, I don't like to be categorized as obese. I don't like a video game trying to guess my age. I closed my eyes and the little creepy voice started saying "testing, testing, testing"

Then it happened. My BMI popped up. I was sure it was gonna laugh at me and yell "OBESE" like my whole life it has, but this time it stopped within the "overweight" category. Granted it was right on the edge, I still call that a HUGE WIN. The last ten years or so, I have been in the 30+ percent category. I am now under that. ( I don't actually remember the number right now )

The little "Mii" character, nicknamed Apey, had the audacity to balloon into a larger version of itself. I'm sure that's not what I look like, how dare.

After that, my weight popped up. I was at 214. Ok, now this doesn't seem like low, but 24 days before that I was at 224. I lost 10 lbs!!!! Suddenly everything was ok. I had physical proof that something was working. That actually motivated me instead of making me feel like a Fatty McFattington. It rejuvenated my zeal to keep going. I might even be a little less now, I mean let's be real, when I weighed in it was the very beginning of shark week. That's when you know it's real weight loss.

Then yesterday, I looked at a picture of myself from late April. Margo pointed out that my neck had totally flattened out. The ring around it is totally gone. I didnt even notice until she said something!! Here's a few photos to prove it.

Notice on the one above there is the ring around the neck, even when using a straw, which usually make your neck suck in a little. Every girl knows to take a drink during a picture because it thins out her neck.

This picture above was taken last night at the same place, where I was NOT drinking a milkshake. Notice there's a little more shape to my face! How exciting! A jaw line!

These changes in my appearance are just an outward reflection of the work going on inside of me. It's so exciting to see, mostly because I couldn't get these results with just "watching" what I ate. When I was "watching what I was eating" I was just basically watching food I shouldn't have disappear into my mouth.

I now don't just watch what I eat, I control what I eat. I really need to go grocery shopping though, because I'm finding myself eating plain oat bran for breakfast and a dry salad for lunch. In those times I just say "Food is fuel, food is fuel" so I don't go insane.

All in all, this is teaching me so much about my body. Margo also pointed out that "glow" in me was only getting worse. I am glowing all over the place and it's showing to those around me. I'm happier with myself because my mind is in charge, not my emotions and my god is no longer my stomach.

If you don't quit, you win. I'm winning.