Day #16 Irritable and Pissed Off

I've been following the yeast free diet for 16 days now. It definitely has its ups and downs.

This 2 week process has been hell and heaven all at the same time.

My mind and my flesh is raging against this beast inside of me that is making me think I need sugar or I'm going to DIE. If you know me well, you know I'm pretty even keeled. I don't get outwardly angry or even INwardly angry very much or even at all.

Let me tell you a story of my first experience just being straight up pissed off and whiny in public.

A group of friends and I decided to go to a water park for a full day in Chelan. It was one of the few days I was able to take off of work and relax, and I was SO excited. I knew it was going to be tough at a water park, but I grabbed a bag of apples and called it good.

 I started out the day with a starbucks double shot. I made the mistake of getting coffee from a friend who was working when I was on my way to a water park. This is what she gave me.

So after a long day of running around, going down water slides, floating in the lazy river, talking with good friends, and people watching it was time for dinner in Chelan. This was their tradition, all day working up a good appetite and then eat burgers at their favorite place. I guess I was in denial that I couldn't eat there. It wasn't til we got there that I looked the menu that it hit me. I can't have almost anything on this menu. More importantly, I can't have what I WANT on this menu. My body was screaming for a double bacon cheeseburger with fries and a shake. I mean, screaming.

So like any 27 year old, I crossed my arms, almost started crying and ordered a green salad with no dressing. Something inside of me was manifesting outwardly for the first time. The realization that I can't have whatever I want whenever I want it. I threw a certified hissy fit, sat in silence and ate my salad. I was fuming mad, I was boiling on the inside that I couldn't just give in. I knew that If i did, it would hurt me to eat it and it would set me back. I knew that if I gave in here, I would give in again and again in the name of socialization.

So I bucked up, ate it and the worst part was I felt great. My body felt more than great, I felt totally revived and awake. This pissed me off more, because it just proved that I don't know how to feed my body. If I give it what it wants, it hurts. If i call the shots, and eat burgers, it is like poisoning myself on purpose. I simply did not want this to be true so I sat in denial the whole car ride home and the whole next day.

That was day 12. The hardest day I've had so far.

Since pushing through the great burger crisis of 2013 I have had so much realization.

Food Revelation #1
I don't know how to eat, I have no idea what my body needs.

Food Revelation #2
I am wrong about most things when it comes to my body, historically.

Food Revelation #3
I have been consciously poisoning my body for my whole life so far, because I didn't care about it.

For whatever reason, we believe as a society that quick and easy is the best. That whatever tastes good is fine. That whatever our body says is true. THESE ARE LIES. I can't trust my body, I can't trust my flesh, I must die to it everyday and choose health. I must die so I can live.