I understand the topic of weight, and weight loss can be a weighty subject.
Therefore, I am treading lightly on this ground. (literally. I now weigh 199!!!!!!!!!!!!)
We'll talk more about that later, but I want to say something else first.
As I wrote about in earlier posts, I have been overweight all my life. I haven't seen the underside of 200 lbs in a long long time. Maybe 10 years, and I'm 27. I also am 6'1" so though I have been in the obese category, I've been lucky enough to kinda carry my weight proportionately.
The number of my weight is always in the back of my mind (or the front) and I bet I'm not the only one.
I wonder how many hours I have spent thinking about how much I weigh and how much I wish it was less, and how much happier I'd be if it was different, and how skinny girls have nothing to worry about and I hate them for it.
EW. It's probably way more than I would dare to admit.
Can I just call out some wrong things to think real quick?
I fully know this might be a little too real, but I've thought them atleast 10 times each.
"I can't wear this shirt with these pants, my muffin top will show and people will notice how fat I am"
"I can't wear this skirt, it shows my legs, and someone might see the cellulite"
"I better not lose weight, people might think I hate myself and I'm not fat positive"
"I better not gain weight, people might think I hate myself and I'm not health conscious"
"I should leave my hair down, my chin shows too much when I turn my head"
"OMG, I look like THAT when I laugh? I better cover up my mouth"
"All pictures of me are bad, I look horrible in all of them"
"I wake up ugly and have to make myself pretty before anyone sees me"
"I shouldn't have eaten that, I'm going to look different and no one will think I'm pretty"
"No one asks me on dates because I'm not skinny"
"If I were 20 lbs lighter, I'd for sure be happier in every way"
"I better wear another layer, you can see underwear lines"
"I can't wear that shirt because it makes my back look fat."
"I can't wear that coat, it makes me look huge"
"Maybe if I am skinny, I'll be able to start my life for real"
"They don't make clothing that fits me, so my body must be wrong in some way"
"When I weigh _____ I'll be pretty"
"If i lose weight and boys start to notice me, I'll already be angry at them for NOT noticing me before"
"I don't believe I'll ever be happy with how I look"
Has anyone ever felt any of these? If I'm the only one, that's fine but I BET I'm not.
WHY?!
Even reading these through, I am shocked I was able to come up with that many without slowing down to think about it. I do not wonder why I felt like I was trapped in my own body. Nothing I could have done would make me not feel like this. Yes, I am 25 lbs lighter now, and things fit differently, but these things are a mind set, not a weight problem. I could have been ANY weight and thought this way.
My view of myself as is slowly but surely changing and evolving into believing truth about how I was created.
Here's a little TRUTH to counteract these lies:
I am perfectly made.
When I walk into a room, no one thinks negatively about my body. I only think they do.
I am beautiful at any size, with any hair-do, in any outfit, with or without make up.
My personality is what attracts people, not my appearance.
I look like what I look like, and it's beautiful.
Probably no one is thinking what I think they are thinking.
I can be fully happy now, without changing a thing about me.
If I lose or gain weight it has no affect on my worth and value.
Someone will love me for who I am someday, and I will not worry about when or if I can do anything to hurry the process along. I'm not doing anything wrong.
I am doing a good job everyday, even when I "mess up"
No one is harder on me than me, so If I'm not, no one is.
Bodies are ALL built differently, there is no perfect body.
Size ain't nothin' but a number.
Weight ain't nothin but a number.
I am not ruled by my emotions, but by truth.
I can wear whatever I want, whenever I want.
Ok, take a deep breath. That was way harder than the negative one.
I think I'm going to leave this post off right here. I feel pretty awesome right now. There's something about truth that just takes the weight off of my living in other people's minds. It is SO not worth it! The very last thing I will challenge myself with is to say out loud everything that is in my head and to listen to how silly it sounds, take the thought captive, throw it out and speak the truth instead. TRY IT I DARE YOU.
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