What a hero. I mean, i think her name is even Sunshine. What a lady.
It taught me that there has got to be a point when I just decide. I just decide to believe my body is better off without sugar. I just have to have faith to believe that even though I can't see the outcome fully, and I don't know WHY it's better (for the most part) that there is something about what I am doing that is good.
I know it is good because I can see slowly but surely that my body works better. The hills on my bike are a little easier to handle, I can fall asleep at night, and I can wake up in the morning. I can even give more time and energy to thing I love because my brain space is not being taken up by food.
Any one else think about food all the time? What a waste of brain space! My mind is made for so much more than, "I want a brownie, I'm hungry, I'm not satisfied, food would be so good right now, this bread would be better with butter on it, etc."
I wonder how much of my life, if added up, would be taken up by thinking about brownies. I bet a lot.
I forgot lunch today. No big deal, but I was just staring at a wall thinking about food. I can't leave where I am to go get food, and there's no way it's going to magically appear, so I had to think of something else to do. I've been in this position a lot in the last few months and I've been surprised at myself. Do I really not have anything else to think about? What a sad realization!
I seemed to have forgotten what I like to do, and what I am good at because my mind was obsessed with this addiction to sugar and the comfort of food. I want to re-iterate that I am NOT advocating skipping meals to get stuff done, or to stop eating and start doing something, but I AM advocating something else.
Food is my fuel. Food is meant to be enjoyed and eaten, but not to overtake my mind.
I want to use my mind to create, to think, to contemplate, to memorize, to consider, to love, to pray, to figure stuff out, and to give words of encouragement. I want to use my mind to think of ways to make someone else's day better, and create art. I want to create delicious food that takes thought and time and THEN eat it!
I would say that now at day #86, I consider myself in the pattern of eating well. There are days when I totally mess up, but I don't beat myself up about it. The other day I grabbed a handful of peanut M&M's (my kryptonite) and ate them. All at once. I didn't even taste them, and I'm not sorry. Altogether though, I feel I have a little bit of authority on the subject of disciplining myself food-wise, and I have only a few words of encouragement for today.
Use your mind to create. Use your mind to think and contemplate. Use your mind to decide. Only you can decide what's best for you, but remember this: Although you can't see it there is a greater good that comes from treating yourself well every day. Even in the small moments. If you screwed up today, welcome to life. Keep going and believe what you can't see.
This was me a few days ago, getting a tattoo of a mountain to remind me that I am an overcomer. Also, look at me! tinier than usual. I'm constantly shocked at how my body is looking. Seriously, keep it up y'all. It's worth it!
We are changing our relationships with food! That is a major part of this work. I LOVE food but I don't love how bad food makes me feel. Most of this is just learning new skills: preparing food, knowing what to buy at the grocery store, knowing what NOT to buy...it's just a learning process. So much of the bad food that is available to us changes our physiology so that we become addicted to the chemicals and sugars. We don't have to beat ourselves up about it emotionally, we didn't do anything wrong except not knowing any better. Once you have the tools it's pretty breezy. I hope that people can see that changing ones diet isn't a punishment and it doesn't have to be emotional!
ReplyDelete