I had a realization today. I'm maintaining a low weight and I'm living the lifestyle I have always wanted! I still kind of don't believe it.
The 3 month period I committed to doing the candida diet has been over for weeks. I was on a super high doing the diet perfectly and losing weight and feeling awesome!
When the 3 months ended, I had a treat.
The next day I had another, and soon I was making the choice consciously to eat whatever I wanted while still being careful. Then I went on vacation and ran out of money.
Then I decided not to starve and forage within my cupboards and accept meals given to me. (SO thankful for friends who feed me!)
Now I'm here, still waiting on the resources to eat the way I "want" and all the while I have been so unhappy!
The reason might not be what you think it is.
I am not unhappy because I am eating differently. I am not unhappy because I might have gained a few lbs.
I am not unhappy because my skin reacts to food. I am not unhappy because I have "given up"
I am not unhappy because I have no money. I'm not unhappy because I messed up.
I have been unhappy because I let lies rule my mind for the past 3 weeks.
I have been cursing myself everyday.
IT'S ALL BEEN IN MY MIND
Looking in the mirror and thinking:
"here comes the weight, I won't be pretty anymore"
"I'm out of control"
"I can't do a good job again"
"I can't maintain a healthy body"
"I'll never finish what I start"
"How can I possibly do this without money?"
"I can't tell anyone this is hard for me, they'll think I'm a quitter"
Do you want to know the reality?
I have not gained one lb, even if I did, it's ok.
I eat extremely healthy food.
I don't over eat.
I am doing a great job everyday, even though it's different than before.
My body is healthy and digesting correctly
I am constantly in a process, but I have made progress.
If people know I am having a hard time, they will still like me.
How is my picture of myself so off from who I actually am? How did I let it get this far?
I am "weighing" myself every day.
Everyone knows that if you are trying to lose weight, it's more realistic and satisfying to step on the scale once a week instead of everyday. The reason being, weight comes off slowly, so to constantly be standing on the scale will be extremely discouraging! If you zoom out and look at the bigger picture, maybe every 3 months or even 6 months you'll see that your body is different and you've made tons of progress!
I was totally sitting on the scale staring at the number and hoping it would change.
I am taking hope though, because I know the truth of who I am! I am a woman who finishes what she starts. I am a woman who has self control. I am a woman who is able to be real and talk to others. I am a woman who is interdependent. I love myself and I will treat myself like it's true!
Monday, December 9, 2013
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Day #97 This post is about weight
I understand the topic of weight, and weight loss can be a weighty subject.
Therefore, I am treading lightly on this ground. (literally. I now weigh 199!!!!!!!!!!!!)
We'll talk more about that later, but I want to say something else first.
As I wrote about in earlier posts, I have been overweight all my life. I haven't seen the underside of 200 lbs in a long long time. Maybe 10 years, and I'm 27. I also am 6'1" so though I have been in the obese category, I've been lucky enough to kinda carry my weight proportionately.
The number of my weight is always in the back of my mind (or the front) and I bet I'm not the only one.
I wonder how many hours I have spent thinking about how much I weigh and how much I wish it was less, and how much happier I'd be if it was different, and how skinny girls have nothing to worry about and I hate them for it.
EW. It's probably way more than I would dare to admit.
Can I just call out some wrong things to think real quick?
I fully know this might be a little too real, but I've thought them atleast 10 times each.
"I can't wear this shirt with these pants, my muffin top will show and people will notice how fat I am"
"I can't wear this skirt, it shows my legs, and someone might see the cellulite"
"I better not lose weight, people might think I hate myself and I'm not fat positive"
"I better not gain weight, people might think I hate myself and I'm not health conscious"
"I should leave my hair down, my chin shows too much when I turn my head"
"OMG, I look like THAT when I laugh? I better cover up my mouth"
"All pictures of me are bad, I look horrible in all of them"
"I wake up ugly and have to make myself pretty before anyone sees me"
"I shouldn't have eaten that, I'm going to look different and no one will think I'm pretty"
"No one asks me on dates because I'm not skinny"
"If I were 20 lbs lighter, I'd for sure be happier in every way"
"I better wear another layer, you can see underwear lines"
"I can't wear that shirt because it makes my back look fat."
"I can't wear that coat, it makes me look huge"
"Maybe if I am skinny, I'll be able to start my life for real"
"They don't make clothing that fits me, so my body must be wrong in some way"
"When I weigh _____ I'll be pretty"
"If i lose weight and boys start to notice me, I'll already be angry at them for NOT noticing me before"
"I don't believe I'll ever be happy with how I look"
Has anyone ever felt any of these? If I'm the only one, that's fine but I BET I'm not.
WHY?!
Even reading these through, I am shocked I was able to come up with that many without slowing down to think about it. I do not wonder why I felt like I was trapped in my own body. Nothing I could have done would make me not feel like this. Yes, I am 25 lbs lighter now, and things fit differently, but these things are a mind set, not a weight problem. I could have been ANY weight and thought this way.
My view of myself as is slowly but surely changing and evolving into believing truth about how I was created.
Here's a little TRUTH to counteract these lies:
I am perfectly made.
When I walk into a room, no one thinks negatively about my body. I only think they do.
I am beautiful at any size, with any hair-do, in any outfit, with or without make up.
My personality is what attracts people, not my appearance.
I look like what I look like, and it's beautiful.
Probably no one is thinking what I think they are thinking.
I can be fully happy now, without changing a thing about me.
If I lose or gain weight it has no affect on my worth and value.
Someone will love me for who I am someday, and I will not worry about when or if I can do anything to hurry the process along. I'm not doing anything wrong.
I am doing a good job everyday, even when I "mess up"
No one is harder on me than me, so If I'm not, no one is.
Bodies are ALL built differently, there is no perfect body.
Size ain't nothin' but a number.
Weight ain't nothin but a number.
I am not ruled by my emotions, but by truth.
I can wear whatever I want, whenever I want.
Ok, take a deep breath. That was way harder than the negative one.
I think I'm going to leave this post off right here. I feel pretty awesome right now. There's something about truth that just takes the weight off of my living in other people's minds. It is SO not worth it! The very last thing I will challenge myself with is to say out loud everything that is in my head and to listen to how silly it sounds, take the thought captive, throw it out and speak the truth instead. TRY IT I DARE YOU.
Therefore, I am treading lightly on this ground. (literally. I now weigh 199!!!!!!!!!!!!)
We'll talk more about that later, but I want to say something else first.
As I wrote about in earlier posts, I have been overweight all my life. I haven't seen the underside of 200 lbs in a long long time. Maybe 10 years, and I'm 27. I also am 6'1" so though I have been in the obese category, I've been lucky enough to kinda carry my weight proportionately.
The number of my weight is always in the back of my mind (or the front) and I bet I'm not the only one.
I wonder how many hours I have spent thinking about how much I weigh and how much I wish it was less, and how much happier I'd be if it was different, and how skinny girls have nothing to worry about and I hate them for it.
EW. It's probably way more than I would dare to admit.
Can I just call out some wrong things to think real quick?
I fully know this might be a little too real, but I've thought them atleast 10 times each.
"I can't wear this shirt with these pants, my muffin top will show and people will notice how fat I am"
"I can't wear this skirt, it shows my legs, and someone might see the cellulite"
"I better not lose weight, people might think I hate myself and I'm not fat positive"
"I better not gain weight, people might think I hate myself and I'm not health conscious"
"I should leave my hair down, my chin shows too much when I turn my head"
"OMG, I look like THAT when I laugh? I better cover up my mouth"
"All pictures of me are bad, I look horrible in all of them"
"I wake up ugly and have to make myself pretty before anyone sees me"
"I shouldn't have eaten that, I'm going to look different and no one will think I'm pretty"
"No one asks me on dates because I'm not skinny"
"If I were 20 lbs lighter, I'd for sure be happier in every way"
"I better wear another layer, you can see underwear lines"
"I can't wear that shirt because it makes my back look fat."
"I can't wear that coat, it makes me look huge"
"Maybe if I am skinny, I'll be able to start my life for real"
"They don't make clothing that fits me, so my body must be wrong in some way"
"When I weigh _____ I'll be pretty"
"If i lose weight and boys start to notice me, I'll already be angry at them for NOT noticing me before"
"I don't believe I'll ever be happy with how I look"
Has anyone ever felt any of these? If I'm the only one, that's fine but I BET I'm not.
WHY?!
Even reading these through, I am shocked I was able to come up with that many without slowing down to think about it. I do not wonder why I felt like I was trapped in my own body. Nothing I could have done would make me not feel like this. Yes, I am 25 lbs lighter now, and things fit differently, but these things are a mind set, not a weight problem. I could have been ANY weight and thought this way.
My view of myself as is slowly but surely changing and evolving into believing truth about how I was created.
Here's a little TRUTH to counteract these lies:
I am perfectly made.
When I walk into a room, no one thinks negatively about my body. I only think they do.
I am beautiful at any size, with any hair-do, in any outfit, with or without make up.
My personality is what attracts people, not my appearance.
I look like what I look like, and it's beautiful.
Probably no one is thinking what I think they are thinking.
I can be fully happy now, without changing a thing about me.
If I lose or gain weight it has no affect on my worth and value.
Someone will love me for who I am someday, and I will not worry about when or if I can do anything to hurry the process along. I'm not doing anything wrong.
I am doing a good job everyday, even when I "mess up"
No one is harder on me than me, so If I'm not, no one is.
Bodies are ALL built differently, there is no perfect body.
Size ain't nothin' but a number.
Weight ain't nothin but a number.
I am not ruled by my emotions, but by truth.
I can wear whatever I want, whenever I want.
Ok, take a deep breath. That was way harder than the negative one.
I think I'm going to leave this post off right here. I feel pretty awesome right now. There's something about truth that just takes the weight off of my living in other people's minds. It is SO not worth it! The very last thing I will challenge myself with is to say out loud everything that is in my head and to listen to how silly it sounds, take the thought captive, throw it out and speak the truth instead. TRY IT I DARE YOU.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Day #86. Month 3 - Still in the habit
I met someone at Metropolitan Market that told me she didn't have sugar for 25 years. I immediately felt like a complete pansy. I'm over here squirming when I see a peanut M&M, and she's like, "yeah that stuff is bad for my body. I just figured it'd be better to avoid it completely."
What a hero. I mean, i think her name is even Sunshine. What a lady.
It taught me that there has got to be a point when I just decide. I just decide to believe my body is better off without sugar. I just have to have faith to believe that even though I can't see the outcome fully, and I don't know WHY it's better (for the most part) that there is something about what I am doing that is good.
I know it is good because I can see slowly but surely that my body works better. The hills on my bike are a little easier to handle, I can fall asleep at night, and I can wake up in the morning. I can even give more time and energy to thing I love because my brain space is not being taken up by food.
Any one else think about food all the time? What a waste of brain space! My mind is made for so much more than, "I want a brownie, I'm hungry, I'm not satisfied, food would be so good right now, this bread would be better with butter on it, etc."
I wonder how much of my life, if added up, would be taken up by thinking about brownies. I bet a lot.
I forgot lunch today. No big deal, but I was just staring at a wall thinking about food. I can't leave where I am to go get food, and there's no way it's going to magically appear, so I had to think of something else to do. I've been in this position a lot in the last few months and I've been surprised at myself. Do I really not have anything else to think about? What a sad realization!
I seemed to have forgotten what I like to do, and what I am good at because my mind was obsessed with this addiction to sugar and the comfort of food. I want to re-iterate that I am NOT advocating skipping meals to get stuff done, or to stop eating and start doing something, but I AM advocating something else.
Food is my fuel. Food is meant to be enjoyed and eaten, but not to overtake my mind.
I want to use my mind to create, to think, to contemplate, to memorize, to consider, to love, to pray, to figure stuff out, and to give words of encouragement. I want to use my mind to think of ways to make someone else's day better, and create art. I want to create delicious food that takes thought and time and THEN eat it!
I would say that now at day #86, I consider myself in the pattern of eating well. There are days when I totally mess up, but I don't beat myself up about it. The other day I grabbed a handful of peanut M&M's (my kryptonite) and ate them. All at once. I didn't even taste them, and I'm not sorry. Altogether though, I feel I have a little bit of authority on the subject of disciplining myself food-wise, and I have only a few words of encouragement for today.
Use your mind to create. Use your mind to think and contemplate. Use your mind to decide. Only you can decide what's best for you, but remember this: Although you can't see it there is a greater good that comes from treating yourself well every day. Even in the small moments. If you screwed up today, welcome to life. Keep going and believe what you can't see.
This was me a few days ago, getting a tattoo of a mountain to remind me that I am an overcomer. Also, look at me! tinier than usual. I'm constantly shocked at how my body is looking. Seriously, keep it up y'all. It's worth it!
What a hero. I mean, i think her name is even Sunshine. What a lady.
It taught me that there has got to be a point when I just decide. I just decide to believe my body is better off without sugar. I just have to have faith to believe that even though I can't see the outcome fully, and I don't know WHY it's better (for the most part) that there is something about what I am doing that is good.
I know it is good because I can see slowly but surely that my body works better. The hills on my bike are a little easier to handle, I can fall asleep at night, and I can wake up in the morning. I can even give more time and energy to thing I love because my brain space is not being taken up by food.
Any one else think about food all the time? What a waste of brain space! My mind is made for so much more than, "I want a brownie, I'm hungry, I'm not satisfied, food would be so good right now, this bread would be better with butter on it, etc."
I wonder how much of my life, if added up, would be taken up by thinking about brownies. I bet a lot.
I forgot lunch today. No big deal, but I was just staring at a wall thinking about food. I can't leave where I am to go get food, and there's no way it's going to magically appear, so I had to think of something else to do. I've been in this position a lot in the last few months and I've been surprised at myself. Do I really not have anything else to think about? What a sad realization!
I seemed to have forgotten what I like to do, and what I am good at because my mind was obsessed with this addiction to sugar and the comfort of food. I want to re-iterate that I am NOT advocating skipping meals to get stuff done, or to stop eating and start doing something, but I AM advocating something else.
Food is my fuel. Food is meant to be enjoyed and eaten, but not to overtake my mind.
I want to use my mind to create, to think, to contemplate, to memorize, to consider, to love, to pray, to figure stuff out, and to give words of encouragement. I want to use my mind to think of ways to make someone else's day better, and create art. I want to create delicious food that takes thought and time and THEN eat it!
I would say that now at day #86, I consider myself in the pattern of eating well. There are days when I totally mess up, but I don't beat myself up about it. The other day I grabbed a handful of peanut M&M's (my kryptonite) and ate them. All at once. I didn't even taste them, and I'm not sorry. Altogether though, I feel I have a little bit of authority on the subject of disciplining myself food-wise, and I have only a few words of encouragement for today.
Use your mind to create. Use your mind to think and contemplate. Use your mind to decide. Only you can decide what's best for you, but remember this: Although you can't see it there is a greater good that comes from treating yourself well every day. Even in the small moments. If you screwed up today, welcome to life. Keep going and believe what you can't see.
This was me a few days ago, getting a tattoo of a mountain to remind me that I am an overcomer. Also, look at me! tinier than usual. I'm constantly shocked at how my body is looking. Seriously, keep it up y'all. It's worth it!
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Day # 69 Some pictures
I want to put text above my picture...how do I do that, this is so annoying...THERE WE GO!
I am not necessarily computer savvy. I had a hard time figuring out how to double space a paper I was writing the other day. That's what I get for waiting 10 years to go back to school!
Anyway, I don't like the idea of putting a lot of pictures of myself up, but this one just kinda shocked me!
As a girl, we almost always think we look like our 6th grade selves. I don't know why, that's just how it is. When I put this dress on that I hadn't worn in a few month, I was shocked to find that it fit totally differently. I mean, I knew I had lost a few, but it was like looking at a different person in the mirror.
These pictures are different angles of course, but the dress fit me completely differently. Day #69 people.
I haven't weighed myself yet, I don't plan on it anytime soon. I just wanted to capture the change so I didn't forget. It's easy to forget the progress if you don't look back every once in a while. It's easy to be discouraged if you weigh yourself everyday and don't congratulate yourself for small and big victories. I sometimes find, if I don't look back on who I was, I don't fully appreciate who I am. I may not be fully there yet but I am not who I used to be, and I call that a win!
Monday, October 7, 2013
Day #57 The slippery slope of cheating
I have been doing a good job.
Good job me.
Over all, my clothes are getting too big, my face looks different when I see it in the mirror. I have lots of energy and I am working out regularly! My skin is clear, and I feel overall lighter. I wake up early on my own, I fall asleep easily. Everything's goin my way! I am really good at avoiding desserts! My favorite thing to say is "No thanks!" (for those of you who always say yes to everything, try it! It feels good, real good.)
Yesterday I got home from a really fun retreat with AWESOME food. I could with no guilt, eat plenty of the food there. I gave myself grace because I couldn't choose my food fully. I told myself, do your best and stay on track when you get home. I ended up having a few things I couldn't normally eat. It was fine.
Then it happened.
I got a migraine, and I broke out, and my stomach started hurting. It hurt so bad and all I could think of was..."It's because I ate something I shouldn't have! I think that chicken had diary in the sauce or something", blah blah etc. I started to feel guilty for giving in, I started to feel like I was weak and everything I did was reversed. I felt like I gained 20 lbs. Real. Thoughts. After maybe ONE meal with some dairy in it.
Then when I still felt sick and guilty this morning, I had to rush to work. I caved big time and bought a sausage breakfast sandwich from starbucks. I ate that thing like I had never had a hot meal. A few hours later, I was still feeling pretty bad and my boss so nicely brought me soup from met market. I looked at that Jambalaya and knew it had things i couldn't eat in it, but I was looking for comfort, and I had already messed up, so I ate all the soup and LOVED it. I know I'm going to be paying for this later.
The biggest thing that I'm noticing here is the slippery slope. I caved and ate a little of what I couldn't have and it didn't kill me...so I kept doing it! I kept giving in to my cravings after 2 months of following the diet strictly! I'm actually right in the middle of it. This was today. The last thing I ate was the delicious Jambalaya.
Now hear me, there is nothing wrong with eating. I am not celebrating food guilt. Eat and love it. Eat a lot.
Fill your calorie budget right to the brim and never feel bad for it. Better yet, forget about calories and just eat real whole food and walk a lot or take a bike ride. The real problem for me is falling back into an old pattern of messing up slightly and then instead of pushing through, just giving up completely. I don't want that to happen to me, so I'm deciding to push through and stop RIGHT now. Stop the thoughts of hopelessness, stop the thoughts of "oh well, it doesn't matter in the end anyway, I'll never be healthy"
I am choosing today to say, OK I messed up, but I can stand right back up and start again.
I am STILL on day #57, not #1.
I don't have to start all over.
I did NOT gain 20lbs.
I do not look like my 7th grade self.
I am not hopeless.
I have not yet conquered the thing within me that turns into a 4th grade whiny little girl when I get sick. I seriously am such a baby. I feel like everyone needs to have compassion and know without me saying anything how I NEED ATTENTION AND A HUG. Hopefully pushing through this hard day and regaining my footing will help the process of rooting out the squeaky teeny tiny baby burpums that surfaces when I'm sick. Next time, maybe I'll drink tea and have some oat bran and a smoothie instead of mowing whatever is in front of me. I know in my mind that meal will make me feel better, but that truth obviously hasn't permeated my mind all the way quite yet. Here's to trying another day!
If you mess up, don't give up. That's my wisdom for the day.
Good job me.
Over all, my clothes are getting too big, my face looks different when I see it in the mirror. I have lots of energy and I am working out regularly! My skin is clear, and I feel overall lighter. I wake up early on my own, I fall asleep easily. Everything's goin my way! I am really good at avoiding desserts! My favorite thing to say is "No thanks!" (for those of you who always say yes to everything, try it! It feels good, real good.)
Yesterday I got home from a really fun retreat with AWESOME food. I could with no guilt, eat plenty of the food there. I gave myself grace because I couldn't choose my food fully. I told myself, do your best and stay on track when you get home. I ended up having a few things I couldn't normally eat. It was fine.
Then it happened.
I got a migraine, and I broke out, and my stomach started hurting. It hurt so bad and all I could think of was..."It's because I ate something I shouldn't have! I think that chicken had diary in the sauce or something", blah blah etc. I started to feel guilty for giving in, I started to feel like I was weak and everything I did was reversed. I felt like I gained 20 lbs. Real. Thoughts. After maybe ONE meal with some dairy in it.
Then when I still felt sick and guilty this morning, I had to rush to work. I caved big time and bought a sausage breakfast sandwich from starbucks. I ate that thing like I had never had a hot meal. A few hours later, I was still feeling pretty bad and my boss so nicely brought me soup from met market. I looked at that Jambalaya and knew it had things i couldn't eat in it, but I was looking for comfort, and I had already messed up, so I ate all the soup and LOVED it. I know I'm going to be paying for this later.
The biggest thing that I'm noticing here is the slippery slope. I caved and ate a little of what I couldn't have and it didn't kill me...so I kept doing it! I kept giving in to my cravings after 2 months of following the diet strictly! I'm actually right in the middle of it. This was today. The last thing I ate was the delicious Jambalaya.
Now hear me, there is nothing wrong with eating. I am not celebrating food guilt. Eat and love it. Eat a lot.
Fill your calorie budget right to the brim and never feel bad for it. Better yet, forget about calories and just eat real whole food and walk a lot or take a bike ride. The real problem for me is falling back into an old pattern of messing up slightly and then instead of pushing through, just giving up completely. I don't want that to happen to me, so I'm deciding to push through and stop RIGHT now. Stop the thoughts of hopelessness, stop the thoughts of "oh well, it doesn't matter in the end anyway, I'll never be healthy"
I am choosing today to say, OK I messed up, but I can stand right back up and start again.
I am STILL on day #57, not #1.
I don't have to start all over.
I did NOT gain 20lbs.
I do not look like my 7th grade self.
I am not hopeless.
I have not yet conquered the thing within me that turns into a 4th grade whiny little girl when I get sick. I seriously am such a baby. I feel like everyone needs to have compassion and know without me saying anything how I NEED ATTENTION AND A HUG. Hopefully pushing through this hard day and regaining my footing will help the process of rooting out the squeaky teeny tiny baby burpums that surfaces when I'm sick. Next time, maybe I'll drink tea and have some oat bran and a smoothie instead of mowing whatever is in front of me. I know in my mind that meal will make me feel better, but that truth obviously hasn't permeated my mind all the way quite yet. Here's to trying another day!
If you mess up, don't give up. That's my wisdom for the day.
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Day #Forever
I think technically I'm on day 41.
RED FLAG! I've been finding myself not really eating.
Since I have been a bit busier, and I don't really crave much of anything anymore, I've noticed I'll go almost all day and not eat more than one big meal.
This is simply NOT OK. I don't want to develop an eating disorder, so I've asked my roommates to keep me accountable. I have never had this problem before. It really shows the difference in my body. I don't really crave much of anything anymore since my body is not addicted to sugar!
This is a good and a scary place to be. I have to be more intentional about feeding myself enough.
A diet isn't just about what you DON'T eat, it's about what you DO eat.
My body needs balance. That doesn't just mean not eating things. That means eating more of things that my body likes! I thought just following the yeast free diet would force me to eat well, and that would be all I needed. Turns out it's really only the beginning of it. The first half was getting rid of bad, the other half is replacing it with good.
Overall I feel great, and I keep finding out that I am capable of doing things I thought I couldn't. For example, the other day after class was over, me and my friend discovered we were going the same way on our bikes. Hhe asked if I wanted to ride together.
GULP!
What I wanted to say was:
nocuzidontthinkicanrideasfastasyouandillprobablybeallsweatyandgrossandyou'llthinkimoutofshape
What I actually said was, "Yes! That'd be great!"
On the inside I was scared I wasn't capable, but I really wanted to have company because I love doing stuff with friends, especially a bike ride! How cute! I took a risk and we left toward my work. Turns out my body was totally fine, I conquered all the hills with no sweat (well, yes a little sweat) and even if he was going slower because of me, I didn't know. When we got to my work (well, the Starbucks next to it) I was SO proud of myself, and I am now not so scared to share a bike ride with a friend. In fact, I was so proud of myself and how my body reacted to exercise with someone else that I decided to do it as much as possible. I bought a bike helmet and light and now I will ride that sucker as much as possible (as long as it's not monsoon-ing)
My body probably could have done that last month, but I didn't THINK it could. Losing a few lbs, and fueling my body with stuff it can use has boosted my confidence in my ability and has shown me that I'm capable of more than I thought.
You can find me riding my bike most days now, and I love it! (minus the helmet hair, YUCK)
WELP, I better go eat. Time to chug some unsweetened apple sauce for lunch. Yes, I drink it out of the jar.
RED FLAG! I've been finding myself not really eating.
Since I have been a bit busier, and I don't really crave much of anything anymore, I've noticed I'll go almost all day and not eat more than one big meal.
This is simply NOT OK. I don't want to develop an eating disorder, so I've asked my roommates to keep me accountable. I have never had this problem before. It really shows the difference in my body. I don't really crave much of anything anymore since my body is not addicted to sugar!
This is a good and a scary place to be. I have to be more intentional about feeding myself enough.
A diet isn't just about what you DON'T eat, it's about what you DO eat.
My body needs balance. That doesn't just mean not eating things. That means eating more of things that my body likes! I thought just following the yeast free diet would force me to eat well, and that would be all I needed. Turns out it's really only the beginning of it. The first half was getting rid of bad, the other half is replacing it with good.
Overall I feel great, and I keep finding out that I am capable of doing things I thought I couldn't. For example, the other day after class was over, me and my friend discovered we were going the same way on our bikes. Hhe asked if I wanted to ride together.
GULP!
What I wanted to say was:
nocuzidontthinkicanrideasfastasyouandillprobablybeallsweatyandgrossandyou'llthinkimoutofshape
What I actually said was, "Yes! That'd be great!"
On the inside I was scared I wasn't capable, but I really wanted to have company because I love doing stuff with friends, especially a bike ride! How cute! I took a risk and we left toward my work. Turns out my body was totally fine, I conquered all the hills with no sweat (well, yes a little sweat) and even if he was going slower because of me, I didn't know. When we got to my work (well, the Starbucks next to it) I was SO proud of myself, and I am now not so scared to share a bike ride with a friend. In fact, I was so proud of myself and how my body reacted to exercise with someone else that I decided to do it as much as possible. I bought a bike helmet and light and now I will ride that sucker as much as possible (as long as it's not monsoon-ing)
My body probably could have done that last month, but I didn't THINK it could. Losing a few lbs, and fueling my body with stuff it can use has boosted my confidence in my ability and has shown me that I'm capable of more than I thought.
You can find me riding my bike most days now, and I love it! (minus the helmet hair, YUCK)
WELP, I better go eat. Time to chug some unsweetened apple sauce for lunch. Yes, I drink it out of the jar.
Monday, September 16, 2013
Day #36 - The sweetness only lasts for a moment.
Truth is important. Without solid truth everything is relative and everything can be argued or discussed into not meaning anything at all. Without truth, there is chaos. Without vision, we will wander off the straight path onto the "emotional, whatever I feel like, whatever someone tells me" path. That path quickly leads to nowhere. This is SO true for food. There's no denying that eating bad food makes us feel bad. That's just the truth. When we eat poison, we get poisoned. The food we eat doesn't just disappear into thin air because we can't see it anymore, because it's within the dark and eerie insides of our body. For every action, there is a reaction.
As I reflect on this last month, I can't help but notice the action and reaction balance within my body. If I pay close attention I can see the actions and reactions clearly. It makes me wonder how I could have NOT noticed for about 20 years. I can't deny the effects of food anymore. No longer can I chug a Mt. Dew and pretend like it didn't happen. No longer can I look at a cinnamon roll and want it.
JK I'LL ALWAYS WANT A CINNAMON ROLL
Taste, though, only lasts for a moment. Taste is what I crave. The sweetness on my tongue for the moment is what I want. Chewing a huge bite of something warm and comforting is what I want. Sinking my teeth into something as big as my face is fun!
The sad truth is taste only lasts for a moment, but the effects of the food last for hours to days to weeks. If I'm not careful and let things pile up, the effects can last for years.
Why am I so quick to give in to something that feels good in the moment, but hurts me for longer? Maybe it's because I don't know the full truth of how I am made to feel, and can't see past the bite? Maybe it's my sweet ignorance that leads me to believing that there's no consequence to things I do or eat. The truth is food is made to bring life, not death. The truth is, there are consequences to my actions. I can keep our heads in the clouds if I want, but if I come down to earth I might see something I missed up there. I might see that I am made to live with abundant life, energy, and a body that works properly!
I'm SO not there yet, but I'm beginning to see the truth. The way I'm made is better then the way I am treating myself! This might seem unattainable, but trust me, it's not!
Here's a little formula:
Eating food is an action = The way my body handles it is the reaction.
If I am eating for health and not out of craving, even when it's hard I can come back to the truth. For me these are examples of truth for my body.
Apple = energy, boost
Water = clarity of mind, ease of digesting
Avocado = filling up without bloating
Donut = stomach ache, tiredness
Bread = instant gratification, bloatedness
Coffee = energy, comfort, caffeine addiction
Green Vegetables = long lasting energy, flat un-bloated stomach, some gas :(
Vitamin C = waking up early with a clear mind
Milk = stomach pain, gas
Cheese =extreme stomach pain, extreme gas
Those are off the top of my head, but the list could go on.
I've been getting messages from people that are blowing my mind. First of all, it's blowing my mind that people are reading this at all. Second of all, I am so honored that I would inspire ANYBODY! I love to answer questions if you have them, I'm pretty much an open book. You can email me or facebook message me and I'll do my best to answer or tell you more! Thanks so much for the support and encouraging words. I am so much more motivated when people are watching. (Call it the performer in me.)
Here's to treating ourselves as we deserve!
CHEERZ
As I reflect on this last month, I can't help but notice the action and reaction balance within my body. If I pay close attention I can see the actions and reactions clearly. It makes me wonder how I could have NOT noticed for about 20 years. I can't deny the effects of food anymore. No longer can I chug a Mt. Dew and pretend like it didn't happen. No longer can I look at a cinnamon roll and want it.
JK I'LL ALWAYS WANT A CINNAMON ROLL
Taste, though, only lasts for a moment. Taste is what I crave. The sweetness on my tongue for the moment is what I want. Chewing a huge bite of something warm and comforting is what I want. Sinking my teeth into something as big as my face is fun!
The sad truth is taste only lasts for a moment, but the effects of the food last for hours to days to weeks. If I'm not careful and let things pile up, the effects can last for years.
Why am I so quick to give in to something that feels good in the moment, but hurts me for longer? Maybe it's because I don't know the full truth of how I am made to feel, and can't see past the bite? Maybe it's my sweet ignorance that leads me to believing that there's no consequence to things I do or eat. The truth is food is made to bring life, not death. The truth is, there are consequences to my actions. I can keep our heads in the clouds if I want, but if I come down to earth I might see something I missed up there. I might see that I am made to live with abundant life, energy, and a body that works properly!
I'm SO not there yet, but I'm beginning to see the truth. The way I'm made is better then the way I am treating myself! This might seem unattainable, but trust me, it's not!
Here's a little formula:
Eating food is an action = The way my body handles it is the reaction.
If I am eating for health and not out of craving, even when it's hard I can come back to the truth. For me these are examples of truth for my body.
Apple = energy, boost
Water = clarity of mind, ease of digesting
Avocado = filling up without bloating
Donut = stomach ache, tiredness
Bread = instant gratification, bloatedness
Coffee = energy, comfort, caffeine addiction
Green Vegetables = long lasting energy, flat un-bloated stomach, some gas :(
Vitamin C = waking up early with a clear mind
Milk = stomach pain, gas
Cheese =extreme stomach pain, extreme gas
Those are off the top of my head, but the list could go on.
I've been getting messages from people that are blowing my mind. First of all, it's blowing my mind that people are reading this at all. Second of all, I am so honored that I would inspire ANYBODY! I love to answer questions if you have them, I'm pretty much an open book. You can email me or facebook message me and I'll do my best to answer or tell you more! Thanks so much for the support and encouraging words. I am so much more motivated when people are watching. (Call it the performer in me.)
Here's to treating ourselves as we deserve!
CHEERZ
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Day #34 - I'm still trying sometimes, I win.
I was sitting in the living room with my roommates who were doing an 11 day cleanse. They were weighing in and creating characters on the Wii Fit. I used to think that Wii Fit was so dorky, like, just go outside or something. I kinda sat there thinking how un-useful that whole system was until they pulled up their charts and started doing a body analysis.
This machine was creating a calendar for their goals, weighing them in and checking their body balance. It also tracked their BMI and kept their goals locked in to a graph. It suddenly perked my interest. I was on day 24 or 25 then and I was so sure that I lost weight I wanted to see! They created me a character with a black dress on and a high bun. It looks JUST like me, or Adele. Either way I liked it.
I stepped on the scale and was honestly afraid. I don't like to see how much I weigh, I don't like to be categorized as obese. I don't like a video game trying to guess my age. I closed my eyes and the little creepy voice started saying "testing, testing, testing"
Then it happened. My BMI popped up. I was sure it was gonna laugh at me and yell "OBESE" like my whole life it has, but this time it stopped within the "overweight" category. Granted it was right on the edge, I still call that a HUGE WIN. The last ten years or so, I have been in the 30+ percent category. I am now under that. ( I don't actually remember the number right now )
The little "Mii" character, nicknamed Apey, had the audacity to balloon into a larger version of itself. I'm sure that's not what I look like, how dare.
After that, my weight popped up. I was at 214. Ok, now this doesn't seem like low, but 24 days before that I was at 224. I lost 10 lbs!!!! Suddenly everything was ok. I had physical proof that something was working. That actually motivated me instead of making me feel like a Fatty McFattington. It rejuvenated my zeal to keep going. I might even be a little less now, I mean let's be real, when I weighed in it was the very beginning of shark week. That's when you know it's real weight loss.
Then yesterday, I looked at a picture of myself from late April. Margo pointed out that my neck had totally flattened out. The ring around it is totally gone. I didnt even notice until she said something!! Here's a few photos to prove it.
Notice on the one above there is the ring around the neck, even when using a straw, which usually make your neck suck in a little. Every girl knows to take a drink during a picture because it thins out her neck.
This picture above was taken last night at the same place, where I was NOT drinking a milkshake. Notice there's a little more shape to my face! How exciting! A jaw line!
These changes in my appearance are just an outward reflection of the work going on inside of me. It's so exciting to see, mostly because I couldn't get these results with just "watching" what I ate. When I was "watching what I was eating" I was just basically watching food I shouldn't have disappear into my mouth.
I now don't just watch what I eat, I control what I eat. I really need to go grocery shopping though, because I'm finding myself eating plain oat bran for breakfast and a dry salad for lunch. In those times I just say "Food is fuel, food is fuel" so I don't go insane.
All in all, this is teaching me so much about my body. Margo also pointed out that "glow" in me was only getting worse. I am glowing all over the place and it's showing to those around me. I'm happier with myself because my mind is in charge, not my emotions and my god is no longer my stomach.
If you don't quit, you win. I'm winning.
This machine was creating a calendar for their goals, weighing them in and checking their body balance. It also tracked their BMI and kept their goals locked in to a graph. It suddenly perked my interest. I was on day 24 or 25 then and I was so sure that I lost weight I wanted to see! They created me a character with a black dress on and a high bun. It looks JUST like me, or Adele. Either way I liked it.
I stepped on the scale and was honestly afraid. I don't like to see how much I weigh, I don't like to be categorized as obese. I don't like a video game trying to guess my age. I closed my eyes and the little creepy voice started saying "testing, testing, testing"
Then it happened. My BMI popped up. I was sure it was gonna laugh at me and yell "OBESE" like my whole life it has, but this time it stopped within the "overweight" category. Granted it was right on the edge, I still call that a HUGE WIN. The last ten years or so, I have been in the 30+ percent category. I am now under that. ( I don't actually remember the number right now )
The little "Mii" character, nicknamed Apey, had the audacity to balloon into a larger version of itself. I'm sure that's not what I look like, how dare.
After that, my weight popped up. I was at 214. Ok, now this doesn't seem like low, but 24 days before that I was at 224. I lost 10 lbs!!!! Suddenly everything was ok. I had physical proof that something was working. That actually motivated me instead of making me feel like a Fatty McFattington. It rejuvenated my zeal to keep going. I might even be a little less now, I mean let's be real, when I weighed in it was the very beginning of shark week. That's when you know it's real weight loss.
Then yesterday, I looked at a picture of myself from late April. Margo pointed out that my neck had totally flattened out. The ring around it is totally gone. I didnt even notice until she said something!! Here's a few photos to prove it.
These changes in my appearance are just an outward reflection of the work going on inside of me. It's so exciting to see, mostly because I couldn't get these results with just "watching" what I ate. When I was "watching what I was eating" I was just basically watching food I shouldn't have disappear into my mouth.
I now don't just watch what I eat, I control what I eat. I really need to go grocery shopping though, because I'm finding myself eating plain oat bran for breakfast and a dry salad for lunch. In those times I just say "Food is fuel, food is fuel" so I don't go insane.
All in all, this is teaching me so much about my body. Margo also pointed out that "glow" in me was only getting worse. I am glowing all over the place and it's showing to those around me. I'm happier with myself because my mind is in charge, not my emotions and my god is no longer my stomach.
If you don't quit, you win. I'm winning.
Friday, August 30, 2013
Candida Friendly "Sweets"
If you're like me, sweet things really finish a meal nicely. They also start a meal nicely, they're great in the middle of a meal, and are great for in between meals.
I challenged myself to make a few "desserts" for my sanity's sake.
No-Guilt-Bake Cookies
1 cup coconut oil
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup almond butter
1/2 cup blue agave sweetener
1/4 cup chia seeds
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
3 Cups Oats or Buckwheat Groats
1 cup Oat Bran
dash of vanilla, if it's sugar free!
I just threw the coconut oil, vanilla, agave in the pot, waited til they mixed well.
I then added the cocoa powder and made sure all the clumps were gone.
I then added peanut butter, and raw almond butter (unsalted)
(I didnt do this, but i bet shredded coconut and cinnamon would be good!)
Once those were all boiling, I turned the heat off and added the oats and oat bran and chia seeds.
Just stir and spoon onto wax paper. You can shape them how you want. I like to put them in the freezer.
Granola
Ok, so I hate recipes, so I didn't really follow one for this, but I'll tell you how I made it and hopefully you can figure out how to make it in a way that is good. Everything is pretty much to taste.
1/2 cup Coconut oil
2 cups Buckwheat Groats or Regs Oats
1 cup Oat Bran
handful of Cinnamon
Stevia to taste
handful of Chia seeds
1/2 cup Almond slices
1/2 cup unsweetened coconut shredded
Pour all the dry stuff into a bowl, minus the shredded coconut, mix it around. Add the coconut oil and make sure it's all coated. Put on a pan and bake at 300 for 12 minutes. Throw it all back in the bowl for a second to mix in the shredded coconut and then back on the pan and put it in for 12 more minutes. I'm not quite sure how to make it stick together, it kinda just was warm and awesome with plain yogurt and some berries.
Gourmet Parfait
Use the granola you just made and add some almond butter (unsalted) when you've mixed it around put a little patty of it in the bottom of a cupcake cup.
In a separate bowl, grab some berries and mix em around with stevia to taste (steve's not necessary though)
I like to squish em a little.
Add the berries to the top of the cups. Bake at 300 for like 15 minutes. Let them cool, but not in the fridge. They're good room temp or warmer. Add cold plain yogurt to the top and you have an awesome fancy looking dessert.
Hope these help, and that I've explained them well. I tend to throw stuff in a pot until it looks good. I urge you to do the same. If it looks good, it'll probably be good. Be creative and use the food you have in your cupboard!
Here's a list of things to buy at the store that you probably don't have laying around that have saved my life.
Coconut oil
unsweetened coconut shredded
stevia packets
blue agave nectar sweetener
oat bran
chia seeds
almond butter
plain keifer or plain yogurt
frozen berries
YAY!
I challenged myself to make a few "desserts" for my sanity's sake.
No-Guilt-Bake Cookies
1 cup coconut oil
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup almond butter
1/2 cup blue agave sweetener
1/4 cup chia seeds
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
3 Cups Oats or Buckwheat Groats
1 cup Oat Bran
dash of vanilla, if it's sugar free!
I just threw the coconut oil, vanilla, agave in the pot, waited til they mixed well.
I then added the cocoa powder and made sure all the clumps were gone.
I then added peanut butter, and raw almond butter (unsalted)
(I didnt do this, but i bet shredded coconut and cinnamon would be good!)
Once those were all boiling, I turned the heat off and added the oats and oat bran and chia seeds.
Just stir and spoon onto wax paper. You can shape them how you want. I like to put them in the freezer.
Granola
Ok, so I hate recipes, so I didn't really follow one for this, but I'll tell you how I made it and hopefully you can figure out how to make it in a way that is good. Everything is pretty much to taste.
1/2 cup Coconut oil
2 cups Buckwheat Groats or Regs Oats
1 cup Oat Bran
handful of Cinnamon
Stevia to taste
handful of Chia seeds
1/2 cup Almond slices
1/2 cup unsweetened coconut shredded
Pour all the dry stuff into a bowl, minus the shredded coconut, mix it around. Add the coconut oil and make sure it's all coated. Put on a pan and bake at 300 for 12 minutes. Throw it all back in the bowl for a second to mix in the shredded coconut and then back on the pan and put it in for 12 more minutes. I'm not quite sure how to make it stick together, it kinda just was warm and awesome with plain yogurt and some berries.
Gourmet Parfait
Use the granola you just made and add some almond butter (unsalted) when you've mixed it around put a little patty of it in the bottom of a cupcake cup.
In a separate bowl, grab some berries and mix em around with stevia to taste (steve's not necessary though)
I like to squish em a little.
Add the berries to the top of the cups. Bake at 300 for like 15 minutes. Let them cool, but not in the fridge. They're good room temp or warmer. Add cold plain yogurt to the top and you have an awesome fancy looking dessert.
Hope these help, and that I've explained them well. I tend to throw stuff in a pot until it looks good. I urge you to do the same. If it looks good, it'll probably be good. Be creative and use the food you have in your cupboard!
Here's a list of things to buy at the store that you probably don't have laying around that have saved my life.
Coconut oil
unsweetened coconut shredded
stevia packets
blue agave nectar sweetener
oat bran
chia seeds
almond butter
plain keifer or plain yogurt
frozen berries
YAY!
Day #19 I think I just want some green beans
I didn't think I'd ever break through the glass ceiling of WANTING vegetables instead of a cookie.
It happened just now. I have some no-bake cookies I made myself for a snack today. They are SO GOOD. Thank you my great friend for suggesting an alternate recipe. DANG. I owe him a great big front hug.
I'll include my recipe below, but first I want to tell you what just happened.
I'm sitting at work and I look over at my iced coffee and my no-guilt no-bake cookies and I thought:
"Eh, I think that might be giving me a headache, I should just drink water and have those fresh green beans in the fridge instead. Maybe they'll make me feel better and give me more energy."
Then I immediately stopped to write down this momentous occasion. My mind is changing slowly but surely. I think it's starting to make sense to me that what I eat matters. When I made my delicious cookies, I thought it would be the perfect out. I could eat this oat bran, coconut oil based food and no one would be the wiser. Technically I'm totally not cheating, but in reality my diet isn't only about what I'm not eating, but what I am eating. I can stick within my guidelines and still feel like crap because I am not getting what my body needs. I think I'm gonna start munchin' down on some green beans and doing water keg stands.
I also learned a lesson on control yesterday while I was eating dinner with said great friend.
Control has a different definition than I thought it did. In my mind, control is the act of being in charge of what I do, and in turn doing whatever I want. If I'm in control of my diet, that means I can eat/do whatever I feel like. No one can tell me what to eat, when to eat it, what not to eat, why not to eat it. This need to control, and control in the wrong way, is spilling over into my life in many ways.
Turns out that what I thought I was controlling was actually controlling me. If I "have" to eat what I want to be ok, then it's the food that's actually in charge of me. If I cringe at the thought of saving my money, then it's really the money that's controlling ME. If I can't hold myself back from walking into Starbucks or any given coffee shop in the morning, it's those places that are in control of me. Control, in fact, looks a little like the opposite. Real control would walk by a Starbucks and think, "HA, I don't need that. I mean, I want it but I will restrain for the sake of my health and wallet today." Real control says to impulsive buying or eating: "I don't need you, I am going to restrain and save money and come back once I've decided whether or not it's a good idea."
It makes me cringe to even write this. It's all so crazy to me. I'm at the beginning of this new knowledge. I'll let you know how it goes as I grow.
For me the biggest struggle in this lifestyle is control. When I can't have what I want, I feel out of control, but actually I'm in control. When I choose not to drink a beer (mmmmm) I am in control. When I discipline myself and don't do what I want, but what I need, I'm in control. This is a fruit of the spirit that I had no idea about. I'm totally scared but excited to dive farther into this part of my journey, because this could change everything.
It happened just now. I have some no-bake cookies I made myself for a snack today. They are SO GOOD. Thank you my great friend for suggesting an alternate recipe. DANG. I owe him a great big front hug.
I'll include my recipe below, but first I want to tell you what just happened.
I'm sitting at work and I look over at my iced coffee and my no-guilt no-bake cookies and I thought:
"Eh, I think that might be giving me a headache, I should just drink water and have those fresh green beans in the fridge instead. Maybe they'll make me feel better and give me more energy."
Then I immediately stopped to write down this momentous occasion. My mind is changing slowly but surely. I think it's starting to make sense to me that what I eat matters. When I made my delicious cookies, I thought it would be the perfect out. I could eat this oat bran, coconut oil based food and no one would be the wiser. Technically I'm totally not cheating, but in reality my diet isn't only about what I'm not eating, but what I am eating. I can stick within my guidelines and still feel like crap because I am not getting what my body needs. I think I'm gonna start munchin' down on some green beans and doing water keg stands.
I also learned a lesson on control yesterday while I was eating dinner with said great friend.
Control has a different definition than I thought it did. In my mind, control is the act of being in charge of what I do, and in turn doing whatever I want. If I'm in control of my diet, that means I can eat/do whatever I feel like. No one can tell me what to eat, when to eat it, what not to eat, why not to eat it. This need to control, and control in the wrong way, is spilling over into my life in many ways.
Turns out that what I thought I was controlling was actually controlling me. If I "have" to eat what I want to be ok, then it's the food that's actually in charge of me. If I cringe at the thought of saving my money, then it's really the money that's controlling ME. If I can't hold myself back from walking into Starbucks or any given coffee shop in the morning, it's those places that are in control of me. Control, in fact, looks a little like the opposite. Real control would walk by a Starbucks and think, "HA, I don't need that. I mean, I want it but I will restrain for the sake of my health and wallet today." Real control says to impulsive buying or eating: "I don't need you, I am going to restrain and save money and come back once I've decided whether or not it's a good idea."
It makes me cringe to even write this. It's all so crazy to me. I'm at the beginning of this new knowledge. I'll let you know how it goes as I grow.
For me the biggest struggle in this lifestyle is control. When I can't have what I want, I feel out of control, but actually I'm in control. When I choose not to drink a beer (mmmmm) I am in control. When I discipline myself and don't do what I want, but what I need, I'm in control. This is a fruit of the spirit that I had no idea about. I'm totally scared but excited to dive farther into this part of my journey, because this could change everything.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Day #17 - I think I can see the light.
Yesterday my friend Margo came over.
"There's something different about you" She said.
I just smiled and thought, "I ain't even got lip gloss ooonnn!"
"No, your eyes look different, they're brighter, and your BOD looks good!!"
I spun around in a little circle, tilted my head downward, looked up, pointed my foot inward and drug it across the ground in front of me.
"awww, thanks!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My body is truly changing, and FAST. You know the feeling when you just wake up and you're not bloated in any way, so you can wear whatever you want and it looks good? That's how I feel all day!
Before my mornings looked a little like this:
Hear my alarm, laugh at it and set it for 20 minutes later.
Drag myself out of bed, throw my hair up in a bun so it doesn't look like it's so messy.
Try to decide what to wear.
(Remember: i only have like 20 minutes until I have to leave to get to work, at the most.)
While deciding what to wear: "Ok, what is going to be comfortable after I eat and change sizes. I shouldn't wear tight jeans AND a smaller shirt, because as soon as I eat, I'll balloon at least a half size. I can't go around with a muffin top later! Oh, if I wear this skirt, I have to wear something tight underneath to keep it all in check. etc.."
So, I'd choose tight pants and a loose, non-flattering shirt, or a large dress with a large sweater.
This was my every day. Choosing an outfit based on how much I would bloat and feel fat later.
Now it's totally different!
I wake up early naturally!
Since I am not eating anything my body HATES and is trying to FIGHT, I can wear whatever I want in my closet. I can wear what I want when I want, and my body doesn't bloat and change sizes. I can even wear my skinny jeans. Not skinny like the leg cut, skinny like when I'm having a non-bloated day and they fit me. We as girls all have some of those. They don't get as much play as we'd like, but hey, we couldn't possibly get rid of them!
I guess what I'm saying, is the good is finally beginning to outweigh the "bad"
Now, I've been trying to "lose weight" and "be healthy" for my whole life so far, and have failed horribly. The only time I lost significant weight was when I quit smoking weed, drinking, and eating only pizza. I lost 35 lbs on the lifestyle change diet.
Ok, ready?
I'm gonna just be really real for a minute because if you don't know me you won't know the significance of my health change if you don't know a little background. I am 27 years old and I have been over 200 lbs since middle school. I was always the fat kid. I was always the cool, funny, bigger girl. I was never quite comfortable at a pool, or the beach, or at any parties because of my body. I was never quite comfortable doing anything "extreme" because my body couldn't climb very far, or my weight wouldn't allow me to do things I wanted because I was too big. I've never shopped in a juniors section. Ever. Everyday for my whole life practically I have thought to myself "I wish I was healthy." I've been dreaming of a healthy body for 15 years. I've tried to think my way into health, I've tried to trick my body into health, I've worked out with a personal trainer, I've done tons of few week cleanses and fasts. The lowest I've ever been is 202. That was right after I came back from an extended mission trip in Cambodia where I couldn't keep food down for the last week.
Just to be clear, a number on a scale is not my goal here. The weight loss that comes with gaining health is a great plus, but not the end all be all. There are plenty of skinny people with heart disease. There are plenty of people with low weights and no muscle. That is not my goal. I don't even own a scale. This is not being written to be a sob fest for me. I simply want you to know, if you are struggling and you're reading this blog:
If I can do it, You can do it. Seriously.
Today is a day of hope for me, because my small decisions are adding up to one big decision. The decision to treat my body as a temple. I am seeing results not because of any magic cleanse or diet. I am seeing a change because I am allowing God to show me the reasons I can't change and fix them. I am seeing a difference because I am respecting my body and treating it with the golden rule. I am seeing change because I am making consistent choices. I am plugging away day by day. It's hard, and it seems like it's not working, but I have to have faith that it IS working. It IS WORKING.
"There's something different about you" She said.
I just smiled and thought, "I ain't even got lip gloss ooonnn!"
"No, your eyes look different, they're brighter, and your BOD looks good!!"
I spun around in a little circle, tilted my head downward, looked up, pointed my foot inward and drug it across the ground in front of me.
"awww, thanks!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My body is truly changing, and FAST. You know the feeling when you just wake up and you're not bloated in any way, so you can wear whatever you want and it looks good? That's how I feel all day!
Before my mornings looked a little like this:
Hear my alarm, laugh at it and set it for 20 minutes later.
Drag myself out of bed, throw my hair up in a bun so it doesn't look like it's so messy.
Try to decide what to wear.
(Remember: i only have like 20 minutes until I have to leave to get to work, at the most.)
While deciding what to wear: "Ok, what is going to be comfortable after I eat and change sizes. I shouldn't wear tight jeans AND a smaller shirt, because as soon as I eat, I'll balloon at least a half size. I can't go around with a muffin top later! Oh, if I wear this skirt, I have to wear something tight underneath to keep it all in check. etc.."
So, I'd choose tight pants and a loose, non-flattering shirt, or a large dress with a large sweater.
This was my every day. Choosing an outfit based on how much I would bloat and feel fat later.
Now it's totally different!
I wake up early naturally!
Since I am not eating anything my body HATES and is trying to FIGHT, I can wear whatever I want in my closet. I can wear what I want when I want, and my body doesn't bloat and change sizes. I can even wear my skinny jeans. Not skinny like the leg cut, skinny like when I'm having a non-bloated day and they fit me. We as girls all have some of those. They don't get as much play as we'd like, but hey, we couldn't possibly get rid of them!
I guess what I'm saying, is the good is finally beginning to outweigh the "bad"
Now, I've been trying to "lose weight" and "be healthy" for my whole life so far, and have failed horribly. The only time I lost significant weight was when I quit smoking weed, drinking, and eating only pizza. I lost 35 lbs on the lifestyle change diet.
Ok, ready?
I'm gonna just be really real for a minute because if you don't know me you won't know the significance of my health change if you don't know a little background. I am 27 years old and I have been over 200 lbs since middle school. I was always the fat kid. I was always the cool, funny, bigger girl. I was never quite comfortable at a pool, or the beach, or at any parties because of my body. I was never quite comfortable doing anything "extreme" because my body couldn't climb very far, or my weight wouldn't allow me to do things I wanted because I was too big. I've never shopped in a juniors section. Ever. Everyday for my whole life practically I have thought to myself "I wish I was healthy." I've been dreaming of a healthy body for 15 years. I've tried to think my way into health, I've tried to trick my body into health, I've worked out with a personal trainer, I've done tons of few week cleanses and fasts. The lowest I've ever been is 202. That was right after I came back from an extended mission trip in Cambodia where I couldn't keep food down for the last week.
Just to be clear, a number on a scale is not my goal here. The weight loss that comes with gaining health is a great plus, but not the end all be all. There are plenty of skinny people with heart disease. There are plenty of people with low weights and no muscle. That is not my goal. I don't even own a scale. This is not being written to be a sob fest for me. I simply want you to know, if you are struggling and you're reading this blog:
If I can do it, You can do it. Seriously.
Today is a day of hope for me, because my small decisions are adding up to one big decision. The decision to treat my body as a temple. I am seeing results not because of any magic cleanse or diet. I am seeing a change because I am allowing God to show me the reasons I can't change and fix them. I am seeing a difference because I am respecting my body and treating it with the golden rule. I am seeing change because I am making consistent choices. I am plugging away day by day. It's hard, and it seems like it's not working, but I have to have faith that it IS working. It IS WORKING.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Day #16 Irritable and Pissed Off
I've been following the yeast free diet for 16 days now. It definitely has its ups and downs.
This 2 week process has been hell and heaven all at the same time.
My mind and my flesh is raging against this beast inside of me that is making me think I need sugar or I'm going to DIE. If you know me well, you know I'm pretty even keeled. I don't get outwardly angry or even INwardly angry very much or even at all.
Let me tell you a story of my first experience just being straight up pissed off and whiny in public.
A group of friends and I decided to go to a water park for a full day in Chelan. It was one of the few days I was able to take off of work and relax, and I was SO excited. I knew it was going to be tough at a water park, but I grabbed a bag of apples and called it good.
I started out the day with a starbucks double shot. I made the mistake of getting coffee from a friend who was working when I was on my way to a water park. This is what she gave me.
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So after a long day of running around, going down water slides, floating in the lazy river, talking with good friends, and people watching it was time for dinner in Chelan. This was their tradition, all day working up a good appetite and then eat burgers at their favorite place. I guess I was in denial that I couldn't eat there. It wasn't til we got there that I looked the menu that it hit me. I can't have almost anything on this menu. More importantly, I can't have what I WANT on this menu. My body was screaming for a double bacon cheeseburger with fries and a shake. I mean, screaming.
So like any 27 year old, I crossed my arms, almost started crying and ordered a green salad with no dressing. Something inside of me was manifesting outwardly for the first time. The realization that I can't have whatever I want whenever I want it. I threw a certified hissy fit, sat in silence and ate my salad. I was fuming mad, I was boiling on the inside that I couldn't just give in. I knew that If i did, it would hurt me to eat it and it would set me back. I knew that if I gave in here, I would give in again and again in the name of socialization.
So I bucked up, ate it and the worst part was I felt great. My body felt more than great, I felt totally revived and awake. This pissed me off more, because it just proved that I don't know how to feed my body. If I give it what it wants, it hurts. If i call the shots, and eat burgers, it is like poisoning myself on purpose. I simply did not want this to be true so I sat in denial the whole car ride home and the whole next day.
That was day 12. The hardest day I've had so far.
Since pushing through the great burger crisis of 2013 I have had so much realization.
Food Revelation #1
I don't know how to eat, I have no idea what my body needs.
Food Revelation #2
I am wrong about most things when it comes to my body, historically.
Food Revelation #3
I have been consciously poisoning my body for my whole life so far, because I didn't care about it.
For whatever reason, we believe as a society that quick and easy is the best. That whatever tastes good is fine. That whatever our body says is true. THESE ARE LIES. I can't trust my body, I can't trust my flesh, I must die to it everyday and choose health. I must die so I can live.
This 2 week process has been hell and heaven all at the same time.
My mind and my flesh is raging against this beast inside of me that is making me think I need sugar or I'm going to DIE. If you know me well, you know I'm pretty even keeled. I don't get outwardly angry or even INwardly angry very much or even at all.
Let me tell you a story of my first experience just being straight up pissed off and whiny in public.
A group of friends and I decided to go to a water park for a full day in Chelan. It was one of the few days I was able to take off of work and relax, and I was SO excited. I knew it was going to be tough at a water park, but I grabbed a bag of apples and called it good.
I started out the day with a starbucks double shot. I made the mistake of getting coffee from a friend who was working when I was on my way to a water park. This is what she gave me.
So like any 27 year old, I crossed my arms, almost started crying and ordered a green salad with no dressing. Something inside of me was manifesting outwardly for the first time. The realization that I can't have whatever I want whenever I want it. I threw a certified hissy fit, sat in silence and ate my salad. I was fuming mad, I was boiling on the inside that I couldn't just give in. I knew that If i did, it would hurt me to eat it and it would set me back. I knew that if I gave in here, I would give in again and again in the name of socialization.
So I bucked up, ate it and the worst part was I felt great. My body felt more than great, I felt totally revived and awake. This pissed me off more, because it just proved that I don't know how to feed my body. If I give it what it wants, it hurts. If i call the shots, and eat burgers, it is like poisoning myself on purpose. I simply did not want this to be true so I sat in denial the whole car ride home and the whole next day.
That was day 12. The hardest day I've had so far.
Since pushing through the great burger crisis of 2013 I have had so much realization.
Food Revelation #1
I don't know how to eat, I have no idea what my body needs.
Food Revelation #2
I am wrong about most things when it comes to my body, historically.
Food Revelation #3
I have been consciously poisoning my body for my whole life so far, because I didn't care about it.
For whatever reason, we believe as a society that quick and easy is the best. That whatever tastes good is fine. That whatever our body says is true. THESE ARE LIES. I can't trust my body, I can't trust my flesh, I must die to it everyday and choose health. I must die so I can live.
Doctors Visit Aug 12, 2013
On August 12, I went to see Dr. Patty.
I was about 45 minutes early, and I sat in my car anxiously awaiting my first doctor's appointment maybe EVER. I was clutching my pre-visit form in my sweaty, overprepared hand. I was Indescribably scared and at the same time curious about what she would say to me. I thought for sure she would be able to look at me and tell me everything. I thought she'd look at my skin in horror and tell me I should have worn sunscreen. I thought she's tell me I was allergic to everything and I better go eat cucumbers for the rest of my life.
Luckily, none of that happened.
I awkwardly sat in the waiting room while she got ready for me. I only imagine what a naturopath does to get ready. Maybe she does a quick neti-pot, puts some nettles under her tongue and smokes a damiana/lavendar cig? Whatever she was doing was lost on me, I got lost in the magazine article on being really old and healthy. Apparently it's whiskey and walking! I might have to try that.
Anyway, she calls me in.
"Hello April! How are you! How did you hear about my office?"
"Um, my sister, Lindsay Schief"
"OOOHHH LINDSAYY!!! YES!! sit down, sit down, would you like some water?"
"uh, no thanks. I dont actually drink water, I solely drink iced coffee" (ok that was made up, but true)
She looked at me and said "well? what's ailing you? why are you visiting me today?"
SHOULDN'T YOU BE ABLE TO LOOK AT ME AND TELL?
"Well, mostly my sister made me come here to get my food allergy test and to ask you about a possible Candida overgrowth"
"ah, yes. tell me about your symptoms"
"Well, I'm always tired, I need sugar or I turn into a monster, it hurts when i eat most things, i can see clear pictures of the things floating in my eyes, my skin breaks out when i eat sugar...and I am curious to see if it's just food allergy or normal."
She then proceeded to do a full physical examination on me, made sure my heart was good, my lungs were good, my eyes were good, my ears were good. My blood pressure and so on. She was extra impressed with my ears. I was like, I know.
She then wanted to check on my Thyroid. She grabbed me a glass of water, and asked me to take a drink while she felt the front part of my neck. That's where my Thyroid is apparently. As soon as she put her hand on there she said "oh, no need to drink the water. I can feel your thyroid is inflamed and there are a few nodules on it. I'm going to give you a thyroid test to take at the lab along with you food allergy test.
Diagnosis:
Candida overgrowth
Treatment: For 3 months minimum
Yeast free diet (no sugar, dairy, yeast, anything fungus related or fermented)
Supplements of Magnesium, Pro-biotics, licorice extract, vitamin C
Exercise
This is where it gets real. I left and immediately started crying, not crying like a little sniff and a few tears. Crying like, uncontrollable sobbing and inability to stop. Granted, it was the first day of shark week. It was shocking how much I was crying. I couldn't see the road, I couldn't control my wailing. I can't remember a time before that I cried so hard (minus some choice prayer times) Usually my crying is one forced tear, and maybe a few silent sniffs. This was so out of character for me!
I think it was a mix of hormones, relief, and worry all at the same time. The overwhelming thought that now that I know, I can't ignore my body anymore. Now that I know for SURE I have no excuse to treat my body like crap. The information about my health was right in front of me. Now that a DOCTOR said I have candida, I have to take care of it. Now that the DOCTOR is worried about my thyroid, IM worried about my thyroid.
I needed someone to tell me it was going to be ok, and possibly just hug me and give me my last cookie maybe ever. I decided to see Linz at work. I love Olympia Coffee Roasters, and I was SO excited to sit there and cry for a while. It actually felt kinda good! I walked in to OCR and it went something like this
Linz - "Get over here little guy" holding her arms out for a hug
Me - "IM CRYING!" then i sobbed and sank into her arms.
"ok, let's go outside"
So I sat outside and told linz everything. She is so wise, she just looked at me and said, "I know this is overwhelming, but you might not have even gone to see her in the first place, so you can take your time with starting treatment and paying for expensive tests. Do what you can do on your own and save some money to do the rest!"
She then had a customer so she ran inside and I sat, still crying (It had been atleast 20 minutes) on the front stoop of the shop. Her extremely attractive boss pulled up in his nice car, got out and walked toward me to go inside. I looked away like, CRAP now a really cute guy (i now know he's married and stuff, so it was ok) is here! Of course!
He just looked at me and said "Are you ok?"
I said, "yeah, yeah, (awkward hard swallow) I'm good" as i turned away in shame.
As soon as I collected myself, I walked inside and sat down. Linz offered me an americano, an orange juice, and hot chocolate. I shook my head yes to all 3.
I was about 45 minutes early, and I sat in my car anxiously awaiting my first doctor's appointment maybe EVER. I was clutching my pre-visit form in my sweaty, overprepared hand. I was Indescribably scared and at the same time curious about what she would say to me. I thought for sure she would be able to look at me and tell me everything. I thought she'd look at my skin in horror and tell me I should have worn sunscreen. I thought she's tell me I was allergic to everything and I better go eat cucumbers for the rest of my life.
Luckily, none of that happened.
I awkwardly sat in the waiting room while she got ready for me. I only imagine what a naturopath does to get ready. Maybe she does a quick neti-pot, puts some nettles under her tongue and smokes a damiana/lavendar cig? Whatever she was doing was lost on me, I got lost in the magazine article on being really old and healthy. Apparently it's whiskey and walking! I might have to try that.
Anyway, she calls me in.
"Hello April! How are you! How did you hear about my office?"
"Um, my sister, Lindsay Schief"
"OOOHHH LINDSAYY!!! YES!! sit down, sit down, would you like some water?"
"uh, no thanks. I dont actually drink water, I solely drink iced coffee" (ok that was made up, but true)
She looked at me and said "well? what's ailing you? why are you visiting me today?"
SHOULDN'T YOU BE ABLE TO LOOK AT ME AND TELL?
"Well, mostly my sister made me come here to get my food allergy test and to ask you about a possible Candida overgrowth"
"ah, yes. tell me about your symptoms"
"Well, I'm always tired, I need sugar or I turn into a monster, it hurts when i eat most things, i can see clear pictures of the things floating in my eyes, my skin breaks out when i eat sugar...and I am curious to see if it's just food allergy or normal."
She then proceeded to do a full physical examination on me, made sure my heart was good, my lungs were good, my eyes were good, my ears were good. My blood pressure and so on. She was extra impressed with my ears. I was like, I know.
She then wanted to check on my Thyroid. She grabbed me a glass of water, and asked me to take a drink while she felt the front part of my neck. That's where my Thyroid is apparently. As soon as she put her hand on there she said "oh, no need to drink the water. I can feel your thyroid is inflamed and there are a few nodules on it. I'm going to give you a thyroid test to take at the lab along with you food allergy test.
Diagnosis:
Candida overgrowth
Treatment: For 3 months minimum
Yeast free diet (no sugar, dairy, yeast, anything fungus related or fermented)
Supplements of Magnesium, Pro-biotics, licorice extract, vitamin C
Exercise
This is where it gets real. I left and immediately started crying, not crying like a little sniff and a few tears. Crying like, uncontrollable sobbing and inability to stop. Granted, it was the first day of shark week. It was shocking how much I was crying. I couldn't see the road, I couldn't control my wailing. I can't remember a time before that I cried so hard (minus some choice prayer times) Usually my crying is one forced tear, and maybe a few silent sniffs. This was so out of character for me!
I think it was a mix of hormones, relief, and worry all at the same time. The overwhelming thought that now that I know, I can't ignore my body anymore. Now that I know for SURE I have no excuse to treat my body like crap. The information about my health was right in front of me. Now that a DOCTOR said I have candida, I have to take care of it. Now that the DOCTOR is worried about my thyroid, IM worried about my thyroid.
I needed someone to tell me it was going to be ok, and possibly just hug me and give me my last cookie maybe ever. I decided to see Linz at work. I love Olympia Coffee Roasters, and I was SO excited to sit there and cry for a while. It actually felt kinda good! I walked in to OCR and it went something like this
Linz - "Get over here little guy" holding her arms out for a hug
Me - "IM CRYING!" then i sobbed and sank into her arms.
"ok, let's go outside"
So I sat outside and told linz everything. She is so wise, she just looked at me and said, "I know this is overwhelming, but you might not have even gone to see her in the first place, so you can take your time with starting treatment and paying for expensive tests. Do what you can do on your own and save some money to do the rest!"
She then had a customer so she ran inside and I sat, still crying (It had been atleast 20 minutes) on the front stoop of the shop. Her extremely attractive boss pulled up in his nice car, got out and walked toward me to go inside. I looked away like, CRAP now a really cute guy (i now know he's married and stuff, so it was ok) is here! Of course!
He just looked at me and said "Are you ok?"
I said, "yeah, yeah, (awkward hard swallow) I'm good" as i turned away in shame.
As soon as I collected myself, I walked inside and sat down. Linz offered me an americano, an orange juice, and hot chocolate. I shook my head yes to all 3.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Not sure where I left off...
I feel like a roller coaster when it comes to my eating, and my health in general.
Some days I'm super committed and some days I see a chocolate croissant and mow it like no one's watching. I was doing really well for a while, and then I had a majorly busy and un-routine week. When I'm not prepared, I easily cave. When I'm really hungry, I think something like this..."well, I don't want to starve myself, that's equally as unhealthy. I'll get some food in me and start again later."
There's nothing really wrong with that if it only happened a few times, but it's been a full week of that! Luckily, my body is not having it. I can simply NOT eat whatever I want now. My body reacts harshly to sugar. My body reacts violently to dairy. My body gets tired and headache-y when I don't drink water.
It's like I can suddenly hear the voice of my body when I couldn't before. Maybe I wasn't asking before.
Anyway, I'm feeling a little down about it all and I really need some moral support and practical help. If any of you who read this want to call or text me encouragements, I know that would help me. I obviously can't do it by myself.
I'm NOT feeling condemned, but I'm picking back up again and starting where I left off.
HERE'S TO MY BODY!
Also, I posted an aaliyah song. I love it.
Some days I'm super committed and some days I see a chocolate croissant and mow it like no one's watching. I was doing really well for a while, and then I had a majorly busy and un-routine week. When I'm not prepared, I easily cave. When I'm really hungry, I think something like this..."well, I don't want to starve myself, that's equally as unhealthy. I'll get some food in me and start again later."
There's nothing really wrong with that if it only happened a few times, but it's been a full week of that! Luckily, my body is not having it. I can simply NOT eat whatever I want now. My body reacts harshly to sugar. My body reacts violently to dairy. My body gets tired and headache-y when I don't drink water.
It's like I can suddenly hear the voice of my body when I couldn't before. Maybe I wasn't asking before.
Anyway, I'm feeling a little down about it all and I really need some moral support and practical help. If any of you who read this want to call or text me encouragements, I know that would help me. I obviously can't do it by myself.
I'm NOT feeling condemned, but I'm picking back up again and starting where I left off.
HERE'S TO MY BODY!
Also, I posted an aaliyah song. I love it.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Wow, my body really is alive.
After years of mistreatment and abuse, we forget sometimes that our bodies are made to feel.
I thought everything was totally normal in and around my body. Boy was I wrong!
It's like my body has been numb to feeling good or bad, because I've ignored listening to it for so long.
Did you know that after you eat food, you are supposed to feel energy and nourishment?
Did you know that you don't have to feel bloated after one bite of food for the rest of the day?
Did you know that after you eat you should feel...wait for it...BETTER?
I thought it was totally normal that after I ate I was tired, had no energy, and saw stuff in my eyes (if i let them glaze over, which i do a little too often.) I must have never known what the original design of my body was.
Well, now I'm just shocked and also a little mad at myself for waiting so long to figure out that my body is mine. My body is made to feel things, to know what food tastes like. My body is made to give me signals when things are going wrong, or when it doesn't like something.
This last week I went to a summer camp. I stocked up on rice cakes, hummus, and vegatables.
It wasn't very long though, before i bombed through all of that and was subject to camp food. This camp food was definitely delicious and often had a salad or a yeast free option. I had to eat a little bit of each thing that I was avoiding. I figured I'd be ok, it had been a full week of no dairy, sugar, yeast or fermented things.
It was the day after I ate sugar, yeast and dairy that I started to notice how my body was reacting.
I was unbelievably bloated, gassy, tired, I broke out, i was constipated and my stomach just plain hurt. My stomach NEVER hurts! It was then I realized that my body really does feel better and that I have to get out of my mind that this food I am avoiding is the good stuff that I just can't have because POOR ME.
I started to get mad at everything, because I had been LIED to by EVERYONE.
Why do food businesses even SELL this stuff if it doesn't do anything but corrode our teeth and turn our insides into monsters!?
Can you imagine if we treated each other like we treat ourselves?
If we wouldn't give it to a child, we shouldn't eat it ourselves!
"No way, they can't have sugar! That's so bad for their teeth and they'll go crazy and crash later and be cranky."
YUP. YOU TOO.
"No way, they can't have SODA. That's full of chemicals!"
LISTEN TO YOURSELF.
"I'll never feed my child fast food. SO many calories and such little nutrition! I have no idea WHO is making that food or what their process is!"
EXACTLY!
Why do we think our bodies are invincible? We all need a lesson in self worth and valuing what we've been given. We all need to start loving our bodies...and I don't mean just love whatever size we are (which is important.) I mean really really love our bodies. Love them enough to not poison them and make them sick. We are worth SO much more! Maybe if we start to treat ourselves the way we treat others we will turn into that person we want to be in our heads. We might even end up the size we want to be.
I didn't realize how passionate I was about all of this until right now. You better believe I will do everything I can do to avoid these body poisoning foods!
Signing off for now,
AC
I thought everything was totally normal in and around my body. Boy was I wrong!
It's like my body has been numb to feeling good or bad, because I've ignored listening to it for so long.
Did you know that after you eat food, you are supposed to feel energy and nourishment?
Did you know that you don't have to feel bloated after one bite of food for the rest of the day?
Did you know that after you eat you should feel...wait for it...BETTER?
I thought it was totally normal that after I ate I was tired, had no energy, and saw stuff in my eyes (if i let them glaze over, which i do a little too often.) I must have never known what the original design of my body was.
Well, now I'm just shocked and also a little mad at myself for waiting so long to figure out that my body is mine. My body is made to feel things, to know what food tastes like. My body is made to give me signals when things are going wrong, or when it doesn't like something.
This last week I went to a summer camp. I stocked up on rice cakes, hummus, and vegatables.
It wasn't very long though, before i bombed through all of that and was subject to camp food. This camp food was definitely delicious and often had a salad or a yeast free option. I had to eat a little bit of each thing that I was avoiding. I figured I'd be ok, it had been a full week of no dairy, sugar, yeast or fermented things.
It was the day after I ate sugar, yeast and dairy that I started to notice how my body was reacting.
I was unbelievably bloated, gassy, tired, I broke out, i was constipated and my stomach just plain hurt. My stomach NEVER hurts! It was then I realized that my body really does feel better and that I have to get out of my mind that this food I am avoiding is the good stuff that I just can't have because POOR ME.
I started to get mad at everything, because I had been LIED to by EVERYONE.
Why do food businesses even SELL this stuff if it doesn't do anything but corrode our teeth and turn our insides into monsters!?
Can you imagine if we treated each other like we treat ourselves?
If we wouldn't give it to a child, we shouldn't eat it ourselves!
"No way, they can't have sugar! That's so bad for their teeth and they'll go crazy and crash later and be cranky."
YUP. YOU TOO.
"No way, they can't have SODA. That's full of chemicals!"
LISTEN TO YOURSELF.
"I'll never feed my child fast food. SO many calories and such little nutrition! I have no idea WHO is making that food or what their process is!"
EXACTLY!
Why do we think our bodies are invincible? We all need a lesson in self worth and valuing what we've been given. We all need to start loving our bodies...and I don't mean just love whatever size we are (which is important.) I mean really really love our bodies. Love them enough to not poison them and make them sick. We are worth SO much more! Maybe if we start to treat ourselves the way we treat others we will turn into that person we want to be in our heads. We might even end up the size we want to be.
I didn't realize how passionate I was about all of this until right now. You better believe I will do everything I can do to avoid these body poisoning foods!
Signing off for now,
AC
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Day 3...an up day.
Phillipians 3:16 "then let us live up to what we have already attained"
I already know how to do this cleanse, I know my body. Sometimes I don't think I do or I have to learn a bunch more before I can start. I'm taking a lesson from Paul today and going forward in living out the truth that I ALREADY know. That's all that's expected of us day to day. The knowledge I have about my health is something I am putting in to practice and I know it will have an awesome outcome...The Bible tells me soooooooo.
My body is reacting in the best way ever! You know the way you feel when you wake up? Your stomach is kinda flat, your body is really light, no slowness or fatigue?(unless you didnt sleep well) That's how I feel all day! I thought that when you ate food, you felt crappy til it digested and that was how life was. It's not true!
What I ate yesterday:
Breakfast:
2 Rice cakes with avocado and a little goat cheese
A bunch of water
Lunch:
Quinoa, black bean, onion and corn with greens. No dressing
Iced black coffee
Dinner:
basil pasta noodles (no yeast, I looked.)
garlic, onion, spinach, olive oil simmered in a pan with spicy italian chicken sausage.
I threw a half of an avocado on top after i put it in the bowl.
Guys---It was SO GOOD!
I recommend trying to eat food that you usually put a bunch of sauce or dressing on without it. You'd be surprised at the natural flavor of stuff like corn and lettuce. It doesn't need it!
Temptation has been little to none. I keep thinking about how one little things could throw off my whole day and make me feel slowed down and horrible. I'm putting my body in check, and it feels good.
Yesterday Lauren dropped a piece of cake on my leg. I imagined a little mouth was going to jump out of my leg and eat it, but luckily it didn't. That was a close one.
I already know how to do this cleanse, I know my body. Sometimes I don't think I do or I have to learn a bunch more before I can start. I'm taking a lesson from Paul today and going forward in living out the truth that I ALREADY know. That's all that's expected of us day to day. The knowledge I have about my health is something I am putting in to practice and I know it will have an awesome outcome...The Bible tells me soooooooo.
My body is reacting in the best way ever! You know the way you feel when you wake up? Your stomach is kinda flat, your body is really light, no slowness or fatigue?(unless you didnt sleep well) That's how I feel all day! I thought that when you ate food, you felt crappy til it digested and that was how life was. It's not true!
What I ate yesterday:
Breakfast:
2 Rice cakes with avocado and a little goat cheese
A bunch of water
Lunch:
Quinoa, black bean, onion and corn with greens. No dressing
Iced black coffee
Dinner:
basil pasta noodles (no yeast, I looked.)
garlic, onion, spinach, olive oil simmered in a pan with spicy italian chicken sausage.
I threw a half of an avocado on top after i put it in the bowl.
Guys---It was SO GOOD!
I recommend trying to eat food that you usually put a bunch of sauce or dressing on without it. You'd be surprised at the natural flavor of stuff like corn and lettuce. It doesn't need it!
Temptation has been little to none. I keep thinking about how one little things could throw off my whole day and make me feel slowed down and horrible. I'm putting my body in check, and it feels good.
Yesterday Lauren dropped a piece of cake on my leg. I imagined a little mouth was going to jump out of my leg and eat it, but luckily it didn't. That was a close one.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Candida Cleanse, here goes nothin...except sugar and yeast.
I went down to Olympia on the hottest day this whole summer for some well needed sister time. Something inside of me was reminding me that I have sisters who are extremely smart and also have experiences from which I need to glean. (I was going to say "glean from" but I heard my dads voice in my head)
The weekend consisted of swimming, Mario 3, american flag bathing suits and food too delicious to even talk about. I asked Linds a lot of questions about her health and her journey into eating what is good for her body, not just good for her mouth. How many of you know there is a big difference? amiright?
I came home with so much knowledge and insight, I felt so excited and ready! Then I went in to my room to go to bed and I had kind of a break down. I started venting. I was going to say praying..It was kind of praying but mostly just a very honest moment with myself and a plea for help. I started crying and I said "God, I feel like I've started this diet a million times. I feel like this is impossible. I feel like I always get excited to lose weight and become healthy and I am just disappointed. Show me that I can do all things through You or else I just won't know where to go from here."
I heard just then, in the way He always speaks, a very quiet and gentle voice saying "one day at a time."
It seemed so simple suddenly. It's like the knowledge from my head went right into my heart.
Today I will choose the right food. Today I will say no to sugar. Today I will remember that I am beautiful in the body I have now. Today is the day I will take back control of my stomach. Just for today.
So now I am in day 2 of my candida cleanse. I have already come home to freshly baked cookies, found a full Mt. Dew on the side of the road. Alos, I came to work and only had iced chai and coffee to drink that were pre-sweetened. This is a great lesson in self control. I'll definitely keep you posted. If I don't keep posting I wont have any internet accountability. I need it!
I feel pretty much awesome though!
The weekend consisted of swimming, Mario 3, american flag bathing suits and food too delicious to even talk about. I asked Linds a lot of questions about her health and her journey into eating what is good for her body, not just good for her mouth. How many of you know there is a big difference? amiright?
I came home with so much knowledge and insight, I felt so excited and ready! Then I went in to my room to go to bed and I had kind of a break down. I started venting. I was going to say praying..It was kind of praying but mostly just a very honest moment with myself and a plea for help. I started crying and I said "God, I feel like I've started this diet a million times. I feel like this is impossible. I feel like I always get excited to lose weight and become healthy and I am just disappointed. Show me that I can do all things through You or else I just won't know where to go from here."
I heard just then, in the way He always speaks, a very quiet and gentle voice saying "one day at a time."
It seemed so simple suddenly. It's like the knowledge from my head went right into my heart.
Today I will choose the right food. Today I will say no to sugar. Today I will remember that I am beautiful in the body I have now. Today is the day I will take back control of my stomach. Just for today.
So now I am in day 2 of my candida cleanse. I have already come home to freshly baked cookies, found a full Mt. Dew on the side of the road. Alos, I came to work and only had iced chai and coffee to drink that were pre-sweetened. This is a great lesson in self control. I'll definitely keep you posted. If I don't keep posting I wont have any internet accountability. I need it!
I feel pretty much awesome though!
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Ezekiel, I know how you feel.
That is a pretty broad claim, so let me clarify.
In the story of Ezekiel, God gives Ezekiel a pretty heavy task. He tells Ezekiel to go to Israel and give the people a message that they aren't going to want to hear. In that moment, Ezzy is pumping himself up . He's running up the stairs like in Rocky and right hookin' the air saying "yeah, YEAH, I can DO this!"He is taken to begin his task, and ends up in Israel. It says in Ez 3:15 "And I came to the exiles at Tel-abib, who were dwelling by the Chebar canal, and I sat where they were dwelling. And I sat there overwhelmed for seven days."
Even though he KNEW what he had to do, and God showed him with a major sign, it still took him a week to start. He still needed to just think for a while. He needed a cookie, hug and a nap. (Those 3 things will make me feel better no matter what.)
I feel like Ezekiel in that moment. I started a blog, began a big task ahead of me, I pumped myself up as well as I could....then BLAM...I've been sitting here for seven days completely overwhelmed.
I have eaten MORE sugar than I usually do, in fact my diet has consisted almost completely of sugar related things. I haven't had any dairy though, and i haven't had one stomach problem!
I have not taken ONE picture of myself. I do have a great idea though, for the funniest and most lighthearted weight loss/body changing journal. I'm just gonna do it and not tell you what it is.
I think now that I've sat around overwhelmed for a week, I can begin the task ahead.
What I ate today, and i am fully aware that this is not only not enough food but it is pretty void of anything my body needs:
4 chocolate covered graham crackers (2 with some peanut butter)
1 banana
1 sausage/egg breakfast sandwich
cookie...hug...nap...here we go.
Friday, June 14, 2013
Listening to my body, finally.
Why is listening to your body the hardest thing ever?
I'm pondering the question so hard right now.
I like to call this the m&m theory, or actually the mini m&m theory:
When you see a big bucket of mini m&m's you could say with confidence, I shouldn't eat all that.
When you see one little teeny tiny weeny woony mini m&m you think, eh what's the big deal?
Also if I eat it really fast it's like I didn't eat it at all! (I'm pretty sure my step mom Molly said that.)
Every day since I was conscious enough to know how I felt I have been ignoring my body and what it's trying to tell me! I JUST realized I'm lactose intolerant. I'm 27.
Every day is made up of a bunch of tiny decisions, mini m&m size decisions. Sometimes it feels like those decisions don't matter, but when we add up all the little decisions the sum of all those decisions is one BIG decision.
That big decision is to ignore and disregard my body. It's my ONLY ONE. I take care of my clothes better than I do my body!
ok ok ok, why I really started this blog is so I can start from TODAY and record what my body is telling me. I want to figure out the way that this machine really runs. I know a lot needs fixing and fine tuning, but I ignored it for so long I can't help but be SO curious as to what I would feel like if everything was working correctly in me! Who will I be? Will I be able to work out and not want to die? Will I wake up with energy? Will i sleep better? wake up earlier? This is getting kinda more exciting!! Stay tuned.
Here's a list for comparison sake of the stuff that's "wrong" with me. I don't actually know if these things are not normal because I may have never been normal. If nothing changes I guess I've always been perfect! Great!
Dairy intolerance: I get super sick when I have diary, almost immediately I am running to the bathroom and then spending the whole night hoping no one can hear through the walls of my room when i go to bed, because of the massive air pockets that form in my stomach.
Sugar intolerance: well, my body doesn't like sugar. My chest breaks out, i get all tired and puffy, my skin reacts with spots!
Mass dental work to get done:
Symptoms: My teeth are sensitive, I can only chew on one side, i can't drink iced anything, I'm afraid to eat crunchy stuff. I generally worry about my teeth.
I'm overweight: I took a body science test and for my height and build, I should be around 190 lbs. I think I'm like 215 right now. I've never been thin, so I don't know how I "should" feel!
Symptoms: I get tired easily, I feel uncomfortable running or playing sports, I change shape all the time so I never know if my clothes are going to fit. My back hurts a lot and goes out if I'm not careful.
From past injuries, I have different joint issues. My knees crackle and sound like they're grinding when I go upstairs or bend them at all. My jaw pops and locks. (oh heyyyy, pop lock and drop it! Mostly it's just pop, lock and drop my food.)
OK ENOUGH WITH THE SOB STORY.
Today, I am choosing to stop having dairy and sugar! (im so scared) let's see how I change!
I will make the conscious effort to remember my little decisions add up to one big one.
Keep tuned in for how my body changes. ooh, ill take some pics.
I'm pondering the question so hard right now.
I like to call this the m&m theory, or actually the mini m&m theory:
When you see a big bucket of mini m&m's you could say with confidence, I shouldn't eat all that.
When you see one little teeny tiny weeny woony mini m&m you think, eh what's the big deal?
Also if I eat it really fast it's like I didn't eat it at all! (I'm pretty sure my step mom Molly said that.)
Every day since I was conscious enough to know how I felt I have been ignoring my body and what it's trying to tell me! I JUST realized I'm lactose intolerant. I'm 27.
Every day is made up of a bunch of tiny decisions, mini m&m size decisions. Sometimes it feels like those decisions don't matter, but when we add up all the little decisions the sum of all those decisions is one BIG decision.
That big decision is to ignore and disregard my body. It's my ONLY ONE. I take care of my clothes better than I do my body!
ok ok ok, why I really started this blog is so I can start from TODAY and record what my body is telling me. I want to figure out the way that this machine really runs. I know a lot needs fixing and fine tuning, but I ignored it for so long I can't help but be SO curious as to what I would feel like if everything was working correctly in me! Who will I be? Will I be able to work out and not want to die? Will I wake up with energy? Will i sleep better? wake up earlier? This is getting kinda more exciting!! Stay tuned.
Here's a list for comparison sake of the stuff that's "wrong" with me. I don't actually know if these things are not normal because I may have never been normal. If nothing changes I guess I've always been perfect! Great!
Dairy intolerance: I get super sick when I have diary, almost immediately I am running to the bathroom and then spending the whole night hoping no one can hear through the walls of my room when i go to bed, because of the massive air pockets that form in my stomach.
Sugar intolerance: well, my body doesn't like sugar. My chest breaks out, i get all tired and puffy, my skin reacts with spots!
Mass dental work to get done:
Symptoms: My teeth are sensitive, I can only chew on one side, i can't drink iced anything, I'm afraid to eat crunchy stuff. I generally worry about my teeth.
I'm overweight: I took a body science test and for my height and build, I should be around 190 lbs. I think I'm like 215 right now. I've never been thin, so I don't know how I "should" feel!
Symptoms: I get tired easily, I feel uncomfortable running or playing sports, I change shape all the time so I never know if my clothes are going to fit. My back hurts a lot and goes out if I'm not careful.
From past injuries, I have different joint issues. My knees crackle and sound like they're grinding when I go upstairs or bend them at all. My jaw pops and locks. (oh heyyyy, pop lock and drop it! Mostly it's just pop, lock and drop my food.)
OK ENOUGH WITH THE SOB STORY.
Today, I am choosing to stop having dairy and sugar! (im so scared) let's see how I change!
I will make the conscious effort to remember my little decisions add up to one big one.
Keep tuned in for how my body changes. ooh, ill take some pics.
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