Ezekiel, I know how you feel.

That is a pretty broad claim, so let me clarify.

 In the story of Ezekiel, God gives Ezekiel a pretty heavy task. He tells Ezekiel to go to Israel and give the people a message that they aren't going to want to hear. In that moment, Ezzy is pumping himself up . He's running up the stairs like in Rocky and right hookin' the air saying "yeah, YEAH, I can DO this!"

He is taken to begin his task, and ends up in Israel. It says in Ez 3:15  "And I came to the exiles at Tel-abib, who were dwelling by the Chebar canal, and I sat where they were dwelling.  And I sat there overwhelmed for seven days."

Even though he KNEW what he had to do, and God showed him with a major sign, it still took him a week to start. He still needed to just think for a while. He needed a cookie, hug and a nap. (Those 3 things will make me feel better no matter what.)

I feel like Ezekiel in that moment. I started a blog, began a big task ahead of me, I pumped myself up as well as I could....then BLAM...I've been sitting here for seven days completely overwhelmed.

I have eaten MORE sugar than I usually do, in fact my diet has consisted almost completely of sugar related things. I haven't had any dairy though, and i haven't had one stomach problem!

I have not taken ONE picture of myself. I do have a great idea though, for the funniest and most lighthearted weight loss/body changing journal. I'm just gonna do it and not tell you what it is.

I think now that I've sat around overwhelmed for a week, I can begin the task ahead.

What I ate today, and i am fully aware that this is not only not enough food but it is pretty void of anything my body needs:

4 chocolate covered graham crackers (2 with some peanut butter)
1 banana
1 sausage/egg breakfast sandwich

cookie...hug...nap...here we go.

Listening to my body, finally.

Why is listening to your body the hardest thing ever?
I'm pondering the question so hard right now.

I like to call this the m&m theory, or actually the mini m&m theory:
When you see a big bucket of mini m&m's you could say with confidence, I shouldn't eat all that.
When you see one little teeny tiny weeny woony mini m&m you think, eh what's the big deal?
Also if I eat it really fast it's like I didn't eat it at all! (I'm pretty sure my step mom Molly said that.)

Every day since I was conscious enough to know how I felt I have been ignoring my body and what it's trying to tell me! I JUST realized I'm lactose intolerant. I'm 27.

Every day is made up of a bunch of tiny decisions, mini m&m size decisions. Sometimes it feels like those decisions don't matter, but when we add up all the little decisions the sum of all those decisions is one BIG decision.

That big decision is to ignore and disregard my body. It's my ONLY ONE. I take care of my clothes better than I do my body!

ok ok ok, why I really started this blog is so I can start from TODAY and record what my body is telling me. I want to figure out the way that this machine really runs. I know a lot needs fixing and fine tuning, but I ignored it for so long I can't help but be SO curious as to what I would feel like if everything was working correctly in me! Who will I be? Will I be able to work out and not want to die? Will I wake up with energy? Will i sleep better? wake up earlier? This is getting kinda more exciting!! Stay tuned.

Here's a list for comparison sake of the stuff that's "wrong" with me. I don't actually know if these things are not normal because I may have never been normal. If nothing changes I guess I've always been perfect! Great!

Dairy intolerance: I get super sick when I have diary, almost immediately I am running to the bathroom and then spending the whole night hoping no one can hear through the walls of my room when i go to bed, because of the massive air pockets that form in my stomach.

Sugar intolerance: well, my body doesn't like sugar. My chest breaks out, i get all tired and puffy, my skin reacts with spots!

Mass dental work to get done:
Symptoms: My teeth are sensitive, I can only chew on one side, i can't drink iced anything, I'm afraid to eat crunchy stuff. I generally worry about my teeth.

I'm overweight: I took a body science test and for my height and build, I should be around 190 lbs. I think I'm like 215 right now. I've never been thin, so I don't know how I "should" feel!
Symptoms: I get tired easily, I feel uncomfortable running or playing sports, I change shape all the time so I never know if my clothes are going to fit. My back hurts a lot and goes out if I'm not careful.

From past injuries, I have different joint issues. My knees crackle and sound like they're grinding when I go upstairs or bend them at all. My jaw pops and locks. (oh heyyyy, pop lock and drop it! Mostly it's just pop, lock and drop my food.)

OK ENOUGH WITH THE SOB STORY.
Today, I am choosing to stop having dairy and sugar! (im so scared) let's see how I change!
 I will make the conscious effort to remember my little decisions add up to one big one.
Keep tuned in for how my body changes. ooh, ill take some pics.